The Stealthy Killers Hidden in Our Homes; The Pestilence of Pussies

Recently a study was instituted about the killing ability of the domestic house cat. Thank goodness a study was instituted. Lord knows we never have enough instituted studies to explore the dark depths of domesticity. Not only did this study consider local surveys and pilot studies according to the New York Times it also was expanded upon by the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in conjunction with the Fish and Wildlife Service. It turns out that many of us are harboring domestic death traps that masquerade as affectionate furry, purring companions but who are really terrorists to the defenseless birds and small mammals who would like to just enjoy their liberty like everyone else.

Billions, yes billions of small innocent mammals and birds are assassinated every year according to the estimates of this recent study. Is this possibly the fault of the cat apparently descended from felines who once roamed the African savannah surviving gracefully on whatever moved that was smaller than they were and evolved over the course of thousands of years into the fur ball curled up on the couch in the parlor? No it’s simply what they do to survive, an instinct purely genetic in origin. The guilt actually lies with the humans who are slowly but surely multiplying and now occupying areas of the earth in which they where never found before and with a constancy belaboring the earth. The blame is clearly the fault of the owners of these bloodthirsty killing machines.

The solution is up for debate. Obviously we need more studies. The dark depths of domesticity have just begun to be explored. We should immediately set aside huge sums of money to see if we can possibly subvert this perfectly evolved killing machine and creator of terrorism in the animal kingdom. Don’t let your cat out of the bag! It may have blood on it’s paws! Perhaps while we are commissioning this study to help small mammals survive we might do well to consider the future difficulties facing their larger cousins. Before it’s too late!

“Did Saint Francis preach to the birds? Whatever for? If he really liked birds he would have done better to preach to the cats.” — Rebecca West

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

1 thought on “The Stealthy Killers Hidden in Our Homes; The Pestilence of Pussies

  1. Dear Writer,

    I decided that I needed to ask the resident “Frannie” how she felt about being referred to as “a blood thirsty killer”. I found her curled up in a tight ball on the couch. I nudged her, but she wasn’t having it. I stared at her. And I stared. And I stared. Twenty two hours later, she stretched. A perfect “down dog”. She must have been bowing to her Dog God, Cooper. Then she arched into a perfect “cat back”. My yoga instructor would be proud. Frannie looked at me and yawned. I asked her if she would like to come outside with me. I wanted to see this predator in action. She jumped up on the rail and sniffed the air. I thought, this must be it. She is sensing her prey. She jumped down and ran to the corner of the deck with stealth and determination. I was excited to see her skills. She started mewing and clawing, she got it, I thought. Then it was over, she was ready to go back inside. I went to the corner only to find it was a spiderweb she was interested in. We went back in the house. She drank out of Cooper’s water bowl with smugness. She meowed for some crunchies, which she deserved after her five minute hunt. She ate a few, yawned, stretched again and found the cozy spot on the couch before it got cold. She is merciless!! I wish guns killed like Frannie does!!

    Adopt a rescue…

    Keep writing Dear, dear Writer!!

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