Monthly Archives: March 2012

Screw Healthcare; Buy a Gun

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If more people owned guns the great citizens of the United States could do away with the need for healthcare altogether. After all when a horse becomes lame it is usually shot to death. Certainly the cost of a bullet is much cheaper than a statin drug, an aspirin, chemotherapy or any of the drugs prescribed for depression. Heck a bullet cost less than a stalk of broccoli. Just think of the billions of dollars that could be saved if we simply shoot people who are ill or depressed.

Perhaps the Supreme Court should enact a law that to be a citizen of the United States one must own a gun. (After all they pick Presidents don’t they?)  There could be classes in schools where we could teach our progeny to shoot first and ask questions later. If there were any unfortunate accidents in this process we could simply say that we were “decreasing the surplus population” just like the famous character of Ebenezer Scrooge did in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Now there was a man ahead of his time!

Imagine what a better place this country would be. The waiting lines everywhere would become so much shorter. No more listening to drug ads ad infinitum on your favorite television shows. Instead we could listen to the testimony of a husband who cured his wife’s depression with a single shot from his brand new .357 magnum:

“She started complaining again that she felt like the walls were closing all in around her. I just went to my gun case and whipped out my shiny pistol and gave it to her right between the eyes! The silence was golden! I think grandpa is next, his Alzheimer disease is rubbing me the wrong way! God Bless America!”

So listen up and stay ahead of the curve. If you have any spare funds invest them immediately in arms manufacturers. Take to the streets and extoll the virtues of guns and live ammo. The world could be such a better place without all the sickos walking around! The new slogan is “Bullets not Broccoli!”

“If that’s the eye of the law, the law is a bachelor; and the worst I wish the law is that his eye may be opened by experience—by experience.” —- Mr. Bumble in Charles Dickens’ Oliver Twist

“You can make people buy broccoli!” —- Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

The Shame of it All

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In the past week various news sources have been reporting on the fact that certain employers have taken to asking potential hires for passwords to their Facebook and Twitter accounts. Once again as a society we move closer to the elimination of the individual and their respective rights to an amalgamation of persons dedicated to the sovereignty of any given corporation. The Founding Fathers would be disgusted as to this profane abuse of power. It quite literally flies in the face of the great thinkers who fought for freedom from King George and the tyranny of the monarchy. Consider the words of George Mason in the Virginia Declaration of Rights:

“That all men are by nature equally free and independent, and have certain inherent rights, of which, when they enter into a state of society, they cannot, by any compact, deprive or divest their posterity; namely, the enjoyment of life and liberty, with the means of acquiring and possessing property, and pursuing and obtaining happiness and safety.”

In other words dear corporations. Do not tread on me! How dare any financial or corporate institution impinge on our right to privacy and liberty as expressed in the Bill of Rights. It seems that tragically our democracy is in the process of devolving into an institution that bows to some sort of lobbied beltway oligarchy. The rights of the individual to think freely are being called into question if they want to work for certain companies. What would it be like if we could see the hidden workings of the purported rulers of this new Metropolis? Would their Facebook and Twitter accounts help us decide if they were fit to have any say at all in our lives?

This Friday will see the release of the movie Hunger Games. It is a story set in a post apocalyptic world were teenagers representing certain districts fight to the death to the amusement of the despotic rulers and the masses. The winner of this barbaric contest wins food and prestige for their respective district. It makes one wonder if we are creating some bizarre self fulfilling prophecy. Is it the fate of humanity to one day live these mephistophelean nightmares?

“The corporate grip on opinion in the United States is one of the wonders of the Western world. No First World country has ever managed to eliminate so entirely from its media all objectivity – much less dissent.” — Gore Vidal

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Booth Bobbleheads and Santorum’s Pubic Schedule

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Yes folks it’s official. You too can be the proud owner of a John Wilkes Booth bobble head doll. At least until last Saturday when the items where removed from shelves at the Gettysburg National Military Park visitor’s bookstore according to USA Today. Apparently the doll was depicted holding a gun. I can’t imagine why this would be in bad taste. Surely a marketing genius must have thought up this item. Better still was the procurement of this item for sale at a Nationally owned park facility.

The Altantic Wire reports that Tuesday Santorum staffers sent out an e-mail to reporters announcing his “pubic schedule”. Is this the ultimate Freudian slip? It certainly seems that pubic issues are more often on his staffs’ mind (or lack thereof) than the important and frightening  international issues currently facing the United States and the world. It illustrates clearly the competency of his staff and their obvious reliance on spell check when crafting his press releases. Instead of providing us with details of his possible treatment of vital issues we are caught in a web of challenging what should be personal choices and none of the government’s business.

The GOP clown car rolls on! I guess the folks in Alabama and Mississippi did not buy the carpetbagger Romney’s schtick. Shows what happens when you’re apt to say anything to try and be one of the clan. Very sad that the entire motivation of the GOP’s campaign is only to defeat Obama in November. How ridiculous it is that in 2012 the President’s race is still such a hot button issue.

“I’ve noticed something since I’ve been out on the road. I give a lot of speeches and talk about a lot of things.” — Sarah Palin from America by Heart

“Just a man with a mind for victory, and an arm like a f*cking cannon. But sometimes when you bring the thunder, you get lost in the storm.” — Kenny Powers from Eastbound and Down

Get off the Cell Phone and DRIVE! — Jake Shween

Breitbart Passes & Limbaugh Blows Gasses

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Sadly, last Thursday the blogging community lost one of their main sources of vitriol and controversy with the early demise of Andrew Breitbart at the young age of 43. He was a dynamic voice for the right wing haters and the conservative movement in general.  It was his work that was instrumental in exposing Anthony Weiner and his Twitter escapades. He was a bit of a paradox as he was also an avid supporter of gay rights and assisted in helping Arianna Huffington establish The Huffington Post. He was known to be “selective” with the truth as with his edited video of Shirley Sherrod, a former Agricultural Department official who was fired for a seemingly racist comment at an event held for the N.A.A.C.P.. The editing  displayed her as being discriminatory which was in fact not the case. The entire video if viewed showed her as overcoming her prejudices towards a white farmer. This was typical of his journalistic practices and his tireless devotion to what he perceived as the truth. This illustrates the importance of getting the whole story before jumping to conclusions!

Enter Rush Limbaugh whom Al Franken coined as “a big fat idiot”. This is exactly what this man is. His radio show reaches many more people than Breitbart’s blogs ever could. He incites his followers, or as he calls them, “dittoheads” with blatant stupidity reflective of his own lack of conscience or wisdom. It is sad that Clear Channel Communications stands behind his reputation and it clearly shows how desperate land based radio has become to retain listener-ship. SiriusXM should offer him his own private and perverse channel to reach his “dittoheads” and take him off any station where a young child could hear his ridiculous ranting. Sad it is that in our time  free radio should be reduced to pandering to such imbeciles as Rush Limbaugh. We should applaud the advertisers that pull their support of his lunacy as well as the stations that will no longer broadcast such hateful nonsense!

“I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.” —William F. Buckley Jr.

Get off the Cell Phone and DRIVE! — Jake Shween