Letter From God

Dear Humanity,

We use that term to be civil. “Dear” meaning in this case: precious. “Humanity” meaning in this case: the human race. The latter term has been disappointing of late as some of those who claim to be human choose to show the basest characteristics of this species which is ironic since many of you have the audacity to claim to be descended from our form or image. In any case, we digress,  back to the letter. Please refrain from bothering us any more as we simply can’t help any of you. It is up to all of you to come together and start taking care of the earth. We thought the instructions were simple enough but apparently not for all of you.

Please stop blaming us in any way shape or form for your shortcomings. These include your ever popular crimes of murder and rape. We have nothing to do with these wicked and heinous things that you do. You have free will. Please refer to your original contracts and note the disclaimer therein. Do not involve us in your political squabbles and stupid rivalries. Stop arguing as to which of our representatives you like, dislike, love or hate the most as these feelings and emotions will avail you nothing. If your team wins the game don’t even thank us because frankly we couldn’t care less either way. Stop screaming our names and perpetuating the myth that somehow we could have prevented or caused your misery.

The path for your mutual happiness lies in your ability to help each other. You must learn to share your gifts with each other. There is nothing to be gained from gathering the most to yourself. The earth, like your humanity, is fragile and easily damaged and destroyed. The sooner you learn how to cooperate on an international level the closer you will be to the heaven that you seem to crave and dream about.

Why, you might ask do we refer to ourselves as we? It is because we exist on all the different levels of time and space and the continuum. We possess the mindset of both the male and female principles. We wear the mask of eternity. Consciousness is simply one aspect of knowledge. To know all one must understand the reality of absolute nothing. That cannot, on this three dimensional plane, be shared …….

“Names can be named but not the Eternal Name.” —- Lao Tzu

“A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.” — Groucho Marx

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

A Binder Full Of Women, A Pocketful of Cash and A Pile of Mitt

I got a binder full of women and a pocketful of cash,

Don’t need no wine or coffee, just show me that great ass.

Women you must know your place now,

It ain’t on my A team.

Equal pay for equal work is just your crazy dream.

We love to burn the oil,

We love to burn the coal,

Let’s burn the whole damn earth down! That seems to be our goal!

Our great God will protect us

As we forsake the earth.

Now show me your damn credentials and your certificate of birth!

Billy Graham he loves me and Donald Trump does too!

To hell with those of you who don’t! I say forget you!

I can’t wait to get elected to pay you bastards back

I’ll rob you geezers blind and the middle class I’ll sack

No need for education, no need for playing fair

I’ll return us to the glory days of business laissez-faire

Remember our dear George Bush and the vision that he took?

I’ll take us right back to those days, I swear I’m not a crook.

So listen up dear people, Listen up to my clear wit!

and never forget who will run up the debt, I’m just a pile of Mitt!


“Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.” — Will Rogers

“There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.” — Will Rogers

Get off the cell phone and drive! — Jake Shween




Pray for Malala

Most people in the United States of America are perhaps unaware of many of the severe atrocities that take place daily in the strange and cruel world we live in. Something happened this week that was particularly disturbing in the Swat region of Pakistan. A fourteen year old girl who had proclaimed her desire to be educated was so threatening to the beastly Taliban that she was singled out on a school bus, a school bus that was stopped and searched by masked men asking for her. When she was located on the bus, these beastly cowards of the Taliban shot her and left her for dead. She now is reportedly in stable but critical condition in a military hospital in Pakistan with a bullet in her head and neck.

Apparently her crusade for educational rights for women was considered to be an “obscenity” by the Taliban who have already sworn that if she lives they will try to kill her again. It is very difficult for many of us in the so called modern Western world to understand what kind of mindset it takes to perpetrate such hideous acts of violence. However we have had similar occurrences here as well. It was not that long ago that a certain Timothy McVeigh blew up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. Or more recently the shooting of Senator Gabrielle Giffords by the madman Jared Lee Loughner in Arizona.These acts of murder have a frighteningly similar focus of hate spurred on by doctrines of small minded paranoid humans. Doctrines based on the idea that somehow by destroying parts of the world that one disagrees with or does not understand one can make the world a better place for others.

A member of a civilized society therefore has a responsibility to ensure that people are allowed to live with individual freedoms. The caveat being that these freedoms of thought and expression must never impinge on the safety or well being of others. Pakistan officials to their credit have flatly stated that this kind of violence will not be tolerated. Here in the United States we would be wise to consider this case carefully and not think we are immune from such hatred and extremism. Pray, please pray for Malala Yousafzai a young woman who wishes to be a doctor and maybe we can begin to heal the world together.

“To terrify children with the image of hell, to consider women an inferior creation – is that good for the world?” — Christopher Hitchens

“Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith. I consider the capacity for it terrifying.” — Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Seeking the Balance

In lieu of a regular column in these days of resolution the writer chooses this in place of the regular semantics. It occurred to Gautama Buddha on the day of the enlightenment under the Mucalinda tree:

“How blest the happy solitude

of him who hears and knows the truth!

How blest is harmlessness towards all,

And self restraint towards living things!

How blest from passion to be free

All sensuous joys to leave behind!

Yet far the highest bliss of all

To leave the pride which says I am”