Monthly Archives: November 2012

New Conversion Therapy Makes Republicans Gayer!

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In a little reported discovery earlier this week doctors in Thailand have isolated a gene which if manipulated carefully by radiation therapy may result in a generation of gayer Republicans. Doctor Poon Tang of Twatyang Institute of Bangkok announced that for several years now his team had been working on a remedy for the typical constipated, small minded, anti-art Republican. After years of intensely secretive research on this particularly frustrating ailment, using primarily voluntary test subjects from various infected red states, areas known for their contamination, Doctor Tang and his team proclaimed satisfactory seminal results from the preliminary reparative therapy.

“We have isolated the ARTGAP1 gene and provided it with ample doses of healing sunshine from the premises of our happy domicile. In this extrusion we have exhibited such effects as are known to provide a well being for the healing process. After several treatments our exceedingly successful subjects have returned to their normal lives with renewed sense of health, vigor and enlightenment. We hope soon to expose this treatment to many more constipated republicans in the hope of causing the gridlock and cultural stink to end in the middle of our great friend country America.” Doctor Tang said through an interpreter.

Rumors are already circulating in Stockholm, Sweden that Doctor Poon Tang and the prestigious Twatyang institute may very well win this years Nobel Prize in medicine. This will be the first such award for a doctor from Thailand. Doctor Poon Tang and his staff announced that they would be thrilled to receive such an award. Doctor Poon Tang also graciously invited any small minded constipated Republicans who wish to seek his treatment free flights and room and board. Lucky participants will get an all expense paid trip to the luxurious Shangri-La Hotel located on the banks of the River of Kings just blocks from the Twatyang Institute. Treatment will be administered over the course of several weeks and entertainment is all included.

In the rare and strange event that this new miraculous treatment does not work; litigate not. There are many vacancies available working with old and crippled lawyers in the dark swampy jungles of nearby Laos.

“Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.” — Jerry Garcia

“Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” — Alan Watts

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Thanksgiving Eve = Friendsday

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By National Proclamation we present this dedication,

That heretofore and henceforward on,

This day shall be known as Friendsday!

The day before Thanksgiving let’s celebrate the life,

That comes with simply living without envy, greed or strife

Let’s end all confrontation if only for this day,

and tomorrow carve a turkey and watch the games we play

Grab a chair and share a drink

While peaceful friendly thoughts you think

With days like this we could end the war

Heaven only knows what’s in store!

So share some joy and friendship,

Though you be near or far apart,

With those that you hold dear to you,

In your mind and in your heart,

Now gather all you minstrels,

And cook us up a song about

A new day we’ll call Friendsday

To last the whole year long!

“A good friend is like a grain of wheat, you keep the kernel and blow away the chaff!” — Old German Proverb

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh?” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet. “I just wanted to be sure of you.” — Piglet from Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Thanksgiving Stew Washington Style

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What a new mess was cooking this past week in D.C. right before a welcome thanksgiving break. We’ve got Republicans sizzling up a serving of dyspepsia over the incident in Benghazi. Can you imagine they have to treat President Obama like the sous chef who mishandled the entire incident and gave the media a bad case of the trots with some terrorist plot misinformation? Funny thing is they had the same exact ingredients he had and they cooked up the same dish. Blaming the chef seems to be the easy way out of this one. The irony is Senator McCain’s and Graham’s short memory. Seems like just yesterday when Chefs Veep Cheney and President Bush cooked up a whopper over weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. That gave many people grief, heartburn, a huge national deficit and in all seriousness many good people died over that tomfoolery. One just can’t cook with that kind of oil. It just isn’t edible at all.

Add to that rumors we have of a couple of Generals muddling over the stuffing of some birds. Must have been a difficult recipe if it took an apparent thirty thousand emails to explain. “All In” seems to be a strange title for a cookbook but then these birds demanded a different kind of stuffing. Tampa Bay and Centcom and a tush of MacDill Air Force base is sure to spice up any dish. This dish is sure to simmer for quite some time. Probably won’t be near ready by the time turkey day rolls around. But surely it will be a turkey. Not surprising this type of dilemma would arise. Generals do worry about their privates and rightfully so. Let’s just hope that the giblets weren’t left out so long that they spoiled.

As far as Christmas is concerned the pudding pot is due to boil over on December 31 of this year. If that deaf dumb and blind cook, Senator McConnell has his way the pot might just explode. Why anyone ever ate at his restaurant to begin with is quite a mystery. As a cook he has absolutely no imagination whatsoever. Its grits, more grits and business as usual. The same bland food day after day and year after year, served up with a dose of hate and rancid butter. This intractable cook just can’t seem to get it through his diminutive mind or palette that a different dish might be in order and quick! This is what happens when a cook doesn’t even call their own shots. They live in a bland world of tasteless choices. Let us hope that Representative John Boehner can convince old Mitch to stick a sausage or two into his dish before the whole pot explodes! Stay tuned for the suspenseful conclusion of this pot of boiling fat.

“Damned Beaver/Jeremy is the War, he is every assertion the fucking War has ever made–that we are meant for work and government, for austerity: and these shall take priority over love, dreams, the spirit, the senses and the other second-class trivia that are found among the idle and mindless hours of the day….Damn them, they are wrong. They are insane.”— Thomas Pynchon, “Gravity’s Rainbow”

“My Mother gave me a real kick toward cooking, which was that if I wanted to eat, I’d better know how to do it myself.” — Daniel Craig aka James Bond

“Romney says Obama won because he promised his base ‘extraordinary gifts’. But what about the gifts the GOP gives to the rich every time they get elected? Like the crazy tax cuts President Bush gave while starting 2 wars?” –— Jake Shween

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Wanted: Independent Leaders for the Republican Party

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The Republican party of the United States is in dire need of a complete overhaul. Somehow they have gone seriously off course. By pandering to the far right of extremism and embracing such monolithic mouthpieces as Limbaugh, Trump and Fox News the party has become lost in a morass of discord and hatred. At least Mitt Romney had the chops to admit defeat graciously in spite of the fact that he led a devious campaign filled with distortions of reality. Now Fox News has the crazy people in their glorious team of social miscreants accusing the other side of playing dirty to win the election! Of course the blow hard Trump and Limbaugh are quick to join in this cacophony of blithering idiocy. Whoa to the Republican party if it continues to let these mental midgets define who they are!

The Republican party is in dire need of some person to step above this fray. Someone with the will and fortitude to stand up to and put to rest this creed of lobbyist Grover Norquist. A free thinker who can put the former Scranton weatherman Bill O’Reilly in his place when O’Reilly suggests that the Republican party failed because the majority of people in The United States of America have declining moral values. Stop making excuses that have no basis in reality! The American people are wising up to the Republicans distortions of reality and very bad math. Put forth a free thinker who without condescension can tell the truth to America and argue for a wiser form of government. If not the Republican party will continue to disintegrate into a party that relies on hatred, lies, distortions and name calling if they have any hope of further deceiving the general population and that is not a path to lasting success.

Unfortunately for now there seems to be no such person on the horizon for the Republicans. Any rising star they have quickly becomes part of the military industrial complex and puts on the jack boots of their party members. Even the so called mavericks of the party have been stilted. The tea party has turned into the fossil fuel party. Maybe a camping trip to Greenland in the summer time is in order to prove to the last of the nay sayers that carbon dioxide is indeed heating the atmosphere and something needs to be done quickly and completely to avert worse disaster. Republicans need to embrace science and stop pretending it is something made up to bewilder them and call their faith into question. The sooner the party realizes that it can’t bully its way out of every problem the sooner they might produce a capable and courageous candidate who will not only earn the respect of the American people they will deserve it.

“Conservatives define themselves in terms of what they oppose.” — George Will

“I have a very large Twitter.” — Donald Trump

“The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.” — Rush Limbaugh

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Government, Insurance and Socialism

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What do those three words conjure up for you? Visions of big government peering over your shoulder and raiding your still? Insurance payments due so you can go see a doctor without taking an ambulance from your apartment to the emergency room? A return to the horrific days of Mussolini, Hitler and fascist dictatorships that are perverse versions of socialist states? Sadly in many cases of modern Grand Old Party propaganda that is the exact image they want you to think of. They seek to use scare tactics to keep the oligarchy (read oil consortium) in place. Rule by the privileged few who can afford to buy the government representatives aka puppets they need to keep themselves in power.

In less than one week the people of the United States of America must make a crucially important decision. Will we follow a puppet who professes disdain for half of this country or will we embrace a straight shooting visionary with the courage to stand up to the military industrial complex? This past week gave us further reason to embrace the latter. Most people don’t want big government to interfere with their lives that is unless they are faced with a natural disaster that is so gigantic that they themselves nor their cities or states have the resources or the funding to pay for disaster relief. Think on it now. What constitutes that relief? Why it’s simply a bit of “Government Insurance” paid for by our collected taxes in what the naysayers would define as a system of Socialism!

What a concept that we would need help! But the cold hard fact is we do!. Every day we need help to survive Every day think of all the things you have learned from past generations, teachers and the like. Even if you spend days in isolation you still must depend on the knowledge you have acquired from others to survive. If you are faced with a natural disaster, a cataclysmic event that destroys everything you know and love, the need for a socialist structure of aid and recovery becomes a life giving necessity. Call it a form of Government Insurance. Think of it next time you pay your taxes. Think of it when you pull the lever or press on the screen to elect the President of the United States for the next four years!

“The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.” — Winston Churchill

“We either need to redefine socialism and the negative connotations it importunes or replace it with a better ideal such as egalitarianism.” — Jake Shween

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween