Monthly Archives: January 2013

The Stealthy Killers Hidden in Our Homes; The Pestilence of Pussies

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Recently a study was instituted about the killing ability of the domestic house cat. Thank goodness a study was instituted. Lord knows we never have enough instituted studies to explore the dark depths of domesticity. Not only did this study consider local surveys and pilot studies according to the New York Times it also was expanded upon by the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in conjunction with the Fish and Wildlife Service. It turns out that many of us are harboring domestic death traps that masquerade as affectionate furry, purring companions but who are really terrorists to the defenseless birds and small mammals who would like to just enjoy their liberty like everyone else.

Billions, yes billions of small innocent mammals and birds are assassinated every year according to the estimates of this recent study. Is this possibly the fault of the cat apparently descended from felines who once roamed the African savannah surviving gracefully on whatever moved that was smaller than they were and evolved over the course of thousands of years into the fur ball curled up on the couch in the parlor? No it’s simply what they do to survive, an instinct purely genetic in origin. The guilt actually lies with the humans who are slowly but surely multiplying and now occupying areas of the earth in which they where never found before and with a constancy belaboring the earth. The blame is clearly the fault of the owners of these bloodthirsty killing machines.

The solution is up for debate. Obviously we need more studies. The dark depths of domesticity have just begun to be explored. We should immediately set aside huge sums of money to see if we can possibly subvert this perfectly evolved killing machine and creator of terrorism in the animal kingdom. Don’t let your cat out of the bag! It may have blood on it’s paws! Perhaps while we are commissioning this study to help small mammals survive we might do well to consider the future difficulties facing their larger cousins. Before it’s too late!

“Did Saint Francis preach to the birds? Whatever for? If he really liked birds he would have done better to preach to the cats.” — Rebecca West
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Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

“Catfish Republicans” in the “Dark Vein” of Muddy Water

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Recently we have seen the rise of a new breed of Republicans. They are clearly out of their league and are quite obviously bottom feeders, spurred on by the rank and bulbous Rush Limbaugh a man known to feed on stink bait normally used to hook Missouri catfish. So caught up in their own realities and afraid to ever admit the error of their ways they continue to waste the taxpayers money every single day. Not unlike the Notre Dame football player Manti Te’o who claims to have been spoofed by a fake internet girlfriend these Republicans are spoofed by selective perception and their avarice, greedily feeding on morsels found in the dark recesses of human nature.

Shunning the more important issues facing the nation they made it a point to grill the Secretary of State Hillary Clinton today in her testimony before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. This is par for the course in our sad Senate lately as closing the barn door after the horses have run off is their stupid solution for just about everything. You don’t have to have a degree in Political Science to see these boobs just stall for time and point a finger to justify their blatant hatred for those more adept at diplomatic situations than they themselves could ever hope to be. Bravo Senator Ron Johnson Republican Senator from Wisconsin for proving just how downright rude and ill informed you can be. The only credit you deserve is your ability to convince the population that voted you into your position that you actually had something of value to bring to the table in Washington D.C.. Unfortunate for them your import is only further evidence that Colin Powell was correct in stating: “There is a dark vein of intolerance in this (Republican) party. They still sort of look down on the minority.”.

Where were all these ruthless fact finders during the decision to start a war in Iraq  proclaiming that Saddam Hussein was harboring Weapons of Mass Destruction? Where were you Senator John McCain Republican from Arizona? You stated Tuesday Senator McCain that: “It’s (Benghazi) been a cover up from the beginning.”. Why didn’t anyone consider having a National Security Council meeting as is procedure before starting the war in Iraq? How can a war be started based on a brief by Scooter Libby and not an actual intelligence assessment? The Iraq war cost in excess of three trillion dollars. Four thousand four hundred and eighty seven service members lost their lives, thirty two thousand two hundred and twenty six were wounded not including the psychological damages making the actual cost of this war inestimable as you cannot place a value on a human life! Outrageous to believe that the current breed of “Catfish Republicans” can continue to roil in the dark vein of muddy water and feed on the stink bait of their collective delusion!

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“It had all the earmarks of a CIA operation; the bomb killed everybody in the room except the intended target!” — William F. Buckley

“We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.” — Bill Maher

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Showdown at the NRA Corral

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The time has come for the sane people of this country to take a stand against the violence that has intruded into our lives. We can no longer ignore the outbreaks of violence and death that occur every single day in this country of free thinkers. It is absolutely outrageous that the National Rifle Association can suggest that the solution to the violent deaths caused by firearms every day is by arming more people. An analogy to this would be like suggesting that the solution to stupidity is, by golly, more damn stupidity. Bravo NRA you have truly outworn your welcome.

What started as an honorable society to promote hunting, conservation of wildlife through population control as well as marksmanship has turned into a far right wing organization that defends the right of American citizens to own military killing machines. These are the assault weapons that have been center stage in our most recent spree of heinous and nightmarish murders. These are murders that made policemen and firemen, our fellow citizens that we have hired and have sworn to protect us, our most valiant breed of first responders, sick and horrified at the scenes of these crimes.  If we are truly a civilized country as we claim to be we shall stop right now and make drastic changes to these ridiculous gun laws that we have in place.

We have watched as the NRA has taken the interests of sportsmen and twisted them into the interests of right wing survivalists. Twisting the Second Amendment of the Constitution into a self serving violent clause when at the time it was written it was meant to prevent a possible British insurgency from retaking the country we fought so hard to free in the Revolutionary war. It is time for the saner of us to step up and tell these bad children to step down and admit that the solution is not more guns at all but to put an end to the dispersion and apparent hoarding of such killing devices into the hands of every schmoe who has legs to walk into a gun shop or gun show and slap money down and buy them.

The NRA in its despotic behavior has purchased venal Congressmen who have enacted legislation rendering the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms impotent to protect us by simply enforcing many of the gun laws that are currently on the books! We need to wake up and take action. We can cite the examples of how gun laws can and do work by comparing the United States to such countries as Japan and Great Britain where due to very strict gun law enforcement these crimes hardly occur. This is a problem whose time has come. Stand up and be counted!

“Mental bearing (calmness), not skill, is the sign of a matured samurai. A Samurai therefore should neither be pompous nor arrogant.” — Tsukahara Bokuden.

“Master the divine techniques of the Art of Peace and no enemy will dare to challenge you.” — Ueshiba

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

 

The Burning Man

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Picture Taken 14 hours ago from the International Space Station of Australian Outback Fire

Billy Bondi sat on the stoop of his shack gazing into the Outback with his striking steel blue eyes. His face was weatherworn with deep wrinkles where days in the sun had long since taken their toll. His grizzled beard flickered in the breeze as he slowly shook his head with a look of consternation and worry. He sat in absolute silence. He listened with all his being. The boab tree in the distance barely moved in the scorching wind. Barely any of the trees still clung to life. A large beetle stuggled in the gravel in front of the stoop. Billy Bondi listened. The dadirri finally came to him. It came into focus and took shape. He once again had direction and purpose. After a long breath he stood. When he stood he could see the flat lands of the Northern Territory on fire. He turned and went back inside.

Fire was not new to these lands but Billy knew this was the final fire. He gathered up a tattered army backpack that he had roamed the outback with for years. He carefully placed his few belongings into it. A carving of the Wandjina, the creator, that his uncle had given him fifty years before was carefully placed into the sack. He put an old shirt and a pair of shorts and his other pair of shoes inside. He decided against carrying any food with him as it was not necessary for this journey, not this time. Billy picked up his walking stick and turned for the door.

He stopped in front of his government issued shack that had become decrepit years before. With his walking stick he began to draw in the sand. Patiently, carefully he drew several wavy lines one on top of the other, the shamanic symbol for fire or smoke. Next to that he drew a picture of several concentric circles which he finished with several radiating lines on each side much like the spokes of a wheel, the symbol of meeting place. It was a simple message to whomever might find it. The fire had compelled him to go to the meeting place. He was not meeting with humans this time however; he was meeting with the sky gods.

Billy stood up with and with a look of resolution secured the backpack to his person. He knelt down to make sure that the laces of his government boots were secure. He looked back at his home and appeared to wipe a tear off his eyes but perhaps it was just the sweat from his brow. He walked and walked on. Astonishingly Billy did not walk away from the fire, but directly towards it. Soon the buffering winds from the tremendous flames were making his journey even hotter. This did not hinder Billy Bondi. He walked and walked on. Now he began to cough as the purifying smoke reached towards him like the ghosts of many lost ancestors. He shrugged it off. The flames grew nearer. He did not stop or even break his stride practiced by many years of endless journeys. Soon he was stepping on embers. The smoke made him just a silhouette. He blended into the flame and disappeared…..

“The heat was remarkable. It was prolonged. That we beat the record by one degree is quite a big deal.” — Jake Crouch – Scientist with the National Climactic Data Center

“Yes poor insured homeowner, there is a Sandy Clause!” — Jake Shween

Get off the cell phone and drive! — Jake Shween

Christie Goes Rogue; Give ’em Hell Harry; Get Well Hillary

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Somehow the disaster relief bill for hurricane Sandy did not qualify for a last minute vote in the House, a bill that had already passed in the Senate. Boehner struck again and cancelled the vote in retaliation after his two capos, Cantor and McCarthy refused to fall in line and vote in favor of the fiscal cliff deal. Political posturing has no place in times of desperate need. Look for quick changes in the line of succession as the new congress convenes. If the alleged Capo de tutti capi can’t control his lieutenants it’s time for a changing of the guard. Looks like the New Jersey Governor Chris Christie took stern notice of the lack of concern for his state. It’s quite obvious that the House mafia doesn’t realize how a “Jersey Boy” takes care of things when the family gets out of hand. Rumor has it that there is a plot in the meadow-lands already picked out for the old house speaker.

Meanwhile very quietly and under the wire the Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid was tirelessly at work today making many federal appointments with a solid majority and no debate today on the Senate floor. This was under the auspices of Republican Minority leader Mitch McConnell who had recently been in a standoff with Reid over the Fiscal Cliff negotiations. Enter Joe Biden with solid experience in negotiating with McConnell. Who can conjecture what actually went down but the result is Harry made many appointments with no objections whatsoever. Thank you Joe and Harry for doling out a little Hades when necessary.

The Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was released from hospital today! This lady is one of the most capable leaders on the planet. It was great to see her happy family with her as she was released. We all wish her a quick and strong recovery. The Democratic party has designs on her as the front runner in a 2016 bid as the parties’ nominee for president. But, who knows? 2016 is still a long way off. By then maybe Chris Christie will have flipped to the Democratic party! Maybe he can see the light and try to run an up and coming United States of America. After all he is in charge right now of the United States of Jersey — no small feat unto itself!

“The Government itself is like running the Sopranos and they sit back and they make deals. And they say okay, ‘I’m going to do this: France you’re going to get the pipelines.'” — George Clooney

“Individual commitment to a group effort – that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.” — Vince Lombardi

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween