Letter From God

Dear Humanity,

We use that term to be civil. “Dear” meaning in this case: precious. “Humanity” meaning in this case: the human race. The latter term has been disappointing of late as some of those who claim to be human choose to show the basest characteristics of this species which is ironic since many of you have the audacity to claim to be descended from our form or image. In any case, we digress,  back to the letter. Please refrain from bothering us any more as we simply can’t help any of you. It is up to all of you to come together and start taking care of the earth. We thought the instructions were simple enough but apparently not for all of you.

Please stop blaming us in any way shape or form for your shortcomings. These include your ever popular crimes of murder and rape. We have nothing to do with these wicked and heinous things that you do. You have free will. Please refer to your original contracts and note the disclaimer therein. Do not involve us in your political squabbles and stupid rivalries. Stop arguing as to which of our representatives you like, dislike, love or hate the most as these feelings and emotions will avail you nothing. If your team wins the game don’t even thank us because frankly we couldn’t care less either way. Stop screaming our names and perpetuating the myth that somehow we could have prevented or caused your misery.

The path for your mutual happiness lies in your ability to help each other. You must learn to share your gifts with each other. There is nothing to be gained from gathering the most to yourself. The earth, like your humanity, is fragile and easily damaged and destroyed. The sooner you learn how to cooperate on an international level the closer you will be to the heaven that you seem to crave and dream about.

Why, you might ask do we refer to ourselves as we? It is because we exist on all the different levels of time and space and the continuum. We possess the mindset of both the male and female principles. We wear the mask of eternity. Consciousness is simply one aspect of knowledge. To know all one must understand the reality of absolute nothing. That cannot, on this three dimensional plane, be shared …….

“Names can be named but not the Eternal Name.” —- Lao Tzu

“A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.” — Groucho Marx

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Bullies Should Not Be Rewarded

If you have never had the experience of being chased or taunted by a bully consider yourself fortunate. The terror of walking down the hall in high school and being grabbed from behind and thrown into the boys room for a game of mum’s the word is something you will never forget. Maybe you spoke funny, perhaps your hair was long compared to the norm or your shoes were out of date, your glasses were as thick as coke bottles, who knows? Who knows what made the bully and his gang so hostile and what gave them such a superior air? Could it be the fact that they came from the wealthy side of town and you were from the other side? No matter because suddenly there you were, alone, surrounded by troglodytes led by a fiend landing numerous punches all over you and if you made so much as a peep they punched you even harder. Thus the name of the game: Mum is the word. No you will never forget such an experience.

Imagine now this same bully running a management company. Perhaps his management consulting company does very well and makes tons of money. He leads ruthlessly with his clever band of financial pirates and vacuums up smaller companies. He promises their upper management golden parachutes while he runs the regular employees into the ground. He creates impossible debt for these companies while promising them the world. Oh well, didn’t work? Credit run out? No problem just burn it to the ground. Best of all is everything is legal. Heck he can even hide his profits through tax loopholes and numerous incentives to keep his money offshore. Create wealth? No this bully just takes it.

Several more years down the road and this certain bully is now running for the most powerful job in the world. He is using the same tactics that he has used all his life. Remember now this is the guy who used to lie to the principals face without batting an eye. The guy who could cheat, lie and beat up innocent people without suffering any consequences. His idea of diplomacy is the mobs’ idea of negotiating. Punch first and ask questions later. There is no way the United States needs a guy like this sitting in the White House! Surely he would run this country into the ground and take the environment with him. He would also take care of all his wealthy friends by continuing to give them tax cuts while the middle class and poor bleed to death. Any credibility the United States has with the rest of the world would be destroyed by his simplistic and bullying tactics. Fellow Americans: Bullies Should Not Be Rewarded!

“The trust of the innocent is the liar’s most useful tool” — Stephen King

“The place where you made your stand never mattered. Only that you were there… and still on your feet.” — Stephen King

Get off your cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Crashing Heaven’s Gate

Rabbi Moshe Rabinowitz looked over the sea of heads and sighed. “Oy vey,” he thought to himself, “another hard days night at heaven’s gate.” Looking up he saw a large overweight man still holding the chicken sandwich that he had apparently choked to death on. “Name?” said the Rabbi. “Samuel,” said the bald fat man. “Oh here you are,” replied Moshe as he looked through a tome of considerable size. “So tell me what happened?” Bald fat Samuel seemed offended. “Where is Saint Peter?” he demanded. Moshe rolled his eyes and thought to himself another meshugana schlepp. Moshe sighed. “Peter hasn’t worked here since the eighties. He was a union employee and was fired when Reagan deregulated everything.” Samuel looked confused. He took another bite of his chicken sandwich and started choking again. Moshe suddenly knew what happened. “Oh I’m sorry, you’ve choked to death on your sandwich I see. A Chick Fil A sandwich no less. Okay right this way please.” Moshe pointed to a queue of people that led around a white pillar. Samuel begrudgingly went where he was told.

“Next” cried Moshe. An elderly man with a stately air walked slowly towards the podium. Moshe recognized him right away. “Why you’re that shmuck Gore Vidal,” Moshe cried. “Indeed I am,” said Mr. Vidal. “I have no idea what I am doing here, I thought I was going to be on Real Time with Bill Maher but I started coughing and ended up here.” Moshe stroked his beard. “I am sorry Mr. Vidal but this is the end of this act for you. If you please step straight ahead.” Moshe pointed behind him to a path by a stream that seemed to disappear into a cloud. “Where the hell does that go?” demanded Gore Vidal. “Why it’s heaven the land of peace and quiet!” exclaimed the Rabbi. “Horseshit,” repiled Gore. “Peace and quiet is not my style. Where is that bastard Buckley?” Moshe turned a bit pale. “Not here he didn’t quite make the cut. But since he was Catholic we were able to arrange a vacation in Purgatory for him for an indefinite amount of time.” “Well don’t waste my time send me there I am not done with that pusillanimous bastard yet!” growled Gore Vidal. Now Moshe was quite good at arranging things. He pointed to the left where an escalator was going down, down, down. “I’m on my way, thank you Rabbi.” Mr. Vidal embarked downward.

Now Samuel had waited quite some time and as he got closer he could see clearly why there was such a delay. It seemed at the end of the line, the entrance-way as it was, was a single white door and when it opened would admit only one person at a time. Finally it was Samuel’s turn to enter. The door opened wide and he walked into a white room. The door closed behind him. When the door had closed it disappeared. The room was seamless and starkly featureless. He was now in a bland white room forever. No colors, no sounds, no wind. Just whiteness which he seemed to fade into. An eternal prison of nothing.

The escalator went on and on. Pretty soon Gore could smell bus exhaust. Through the clouds the tops of buildings began to appear. The next thing you know there he was on Fifth Avenue in midtown looking at the Museum of Modern Art. Fancy this he thought to himself as he began to walk about headed towards Broadway. The city seemed its normal self with horns beeping and people bustling. He got to Broadway and rubbed his eyes. The marquis above the theater read: Tonight and Forever: Buckley Debates Vidal. Can you believe it he thought. The bastard has been waiting for me!

The writer would like to express his sincere condolences to the family of Gore Vidal. The world has lost a great literary lion whom can never be replaced. His writings and wisdom will live on as a testimony to his sharp wit and his keen sense of humanity. — Jake Shween

Get off the cell phone and drive! — Jake Shween

G.O.P.; Genuflect or Perish

Welcome to the brave new world of 2012 politics. We have established a new party. It is no longer the Republican Party. It is the party of the one percent; The Genuflect or Perish Party! This party cleverly uses the weapons of mass stupidity at their disposal. Fox News leads the charge of this blatant misinformation. It seems that every day they wonderfully spin and skewer the facts to mislead people into believing that the GOP has a valid plan to bring our country back to growth and prosperity. Sean Hannity recently said that people can survive cheaply on beans and rice! He even suggested that we might throw some “cheap meat” in the pot! Pink slime is the answer. Its cheap and has ammonia in it. Ammonia is spelled with two m’s. Must mean mmm this is good.

Mitt Romney stated in brief that the rich should be given congratulations on their wealth. Genuflections are just around the corner. Prepare the masses to eat beans and rice and wait for their trickle down handouts from the rich. Not even food stamps are safe in the newly proposed Paul Ryan budget. Why should we care if people are hungry? If they aren’t rich isn’t it their own fault? Wait just a minute. Didn’t we all play the game of Monopoly as children? Remember how that game would end? Sooner or later someone would own Boardwalk and Park Place and everyone else would pay. This is where our economy stands at this very moment. The rich are in place and are desperately trying to retain control of the media and the masses. The internet and the new age of communication are their worst enemies. It is easy to see why they want to quash education by making it exclusively available to their elitist cabal. Education for the few and privileged only. No lower caste members need apply!

We like to say that America is the “greatest country in the world”. This description is thrown around all the time. If we don’t believe it we are not American. Unfortunately this generalization is outdated. Do we really need to indulge our sense of nationalism to preserve our currently stagnating system of government? Perhaps instead of the “greatest country in the world” we would be wiser to aim for “the most educated country in the world”. This would certainly hep us maintain our cutting edge technologies in the emerging multinational civilization we are embracing. To not fund education, promote its value and preserve the inspiration it provides would be to throw our country into back to prerevolutionary time where we all work as indentured servants for the benefit of the few.

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” — George Santayana

“Fifty percent of people won’t vote, and fifty percent don’t read newspapers. I hope it’s the same fifty percent.” — Gore Vidal

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

 

 

Nugent Rewrites ‘Journey to the Center of the Mind’; Now called: ‘Journey to the Center of the Bunghole!’

In case you missed it Ted Nugent shot his mouth off the other day at an NRA rally. This is a figurative representation of course from a man who is known for such genius works as: Kill it and Grill It, Wang Dang Sweet Poontang, Cat Scratch Fever and one of his first hits with The Amboy Dukes, Journey to the Center of the Mind. Ted dear boy it seems you did not smoke enough of the peace weed back in the day or perhaps you neglected to meditate on peace like your band mates did. It appears that all those random sexual acts you engaged in overloaded your neural network with a flood of testosterone causing you to think that violent acts towards living things including your very own neighbors who don’t agree with your blood lust perversion is some kind of solution for your obvious lack of social skills and tact. Perhaps you should go with your flow and write a new song about a coyote peeing on your couch!

Can you imagine that a powerful lobby like the NRA  would engage in such rabble rousing and encourage such animosity and hatred towards fellow human beings? Why yes of course! Isn’t this the very same organization that wants to arm everyone until we return to the wild west? How sad the the very people who need evolution the most are the ones who don’t believe in it and seek to have the theory quashed altogether in our educational system. The people who fight against abortion tooth and nail would like everyone to grow up first and then shoot each other. Apparently this makes for better television and biblical prophesy.

No sooner had Ted gone ballistic above and beyond the call of the idiotic at the blood thirsty NRA rally than did he reappear the next day to reiterate his brand of hate on the radio show of the Fox Network fired Glenn Beck the self ordained clown prince of violent stupidity and cockamamie conspiracy theory. Nice to see birds of a feather still flock together. If only there was a way we could safely transport these petulant lunatics to a cordoned off insane preserve where they could play with guns to their hearts’ content without harming any innocent people. They could swap conspiracy theories around camp fires and dine on uncooked animal intestines.

This should serve as a wake up call to the GOP. Look at the violent fools you have brought into your fold. Is it really worth making these kinds of associations for the sake of an election? What will you do to appease these violent people in the future? Do you really expect them to be satisfied without them killing something or God forbid someone?

It is perfectly alright to disagree with the way things are being run in and around Washington DC, but the way to change things is not with acts of violence. The civilized way to change things is with intelligent and patient discourse with the whole world as your witness.

“People kill people and guns make it easy and impersonal.”— Jake Shween

“Apparently, a democracy is a place where numerous elections are held at great cost without issues and with interchangeable candidates.”— Gore Vidal

 Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

The Shame of it All

In the past week various news sources have been reporting on the fact that certain employers have taken to asking potential hires for passwords to their Facebook and Twitter accounts. Once again as a society we move closer to the elimination of the individual and their respective rights to an amalgamation of persons dedicated to the sovereignty of any given corporation. The Founding Fathers would be disgusted as to this profane abuse of power. It quite literally flies in the face of the great thinkers who fought for freedom from King George and the tyranny of the monarchy. Consider the words of George Mason in the Virginia Declaration of Rights:

“That all men are by nature equally free and independent, and have certain inherent rights, of which, when they enter into a state of society, they cannot, by any compact, deprive or divest their posterity; namely, the enjoyment of life and liberty, with the means of acquiring and possessing property, and pursuing and obtaining happiness and safety.”

In other words dear corporations. Do not tread on me! How dare any financial or corporate institution impinge on our right to privacy and liberty as expressed in the Bill of Rights. It seems that tragically our democracy is in the process of devolving into an institution that bows to some sort of lobbied beltway oligarchy. The rights of the individual to think freely are being called into question if they want to work for certain companies. What would it be like if we could see the hidden workings of the purported rulers of this new Metropolis? Would their Facebook and Twitter accounts help us decide if they were fit to have any say at all in our lives?

This Friday will see the release of the movie Hunger Games. It is a story set in a post apocalyptic world were teenagers representing certain districts fight to the death to the amusement of the despotic rulers and the masses. The winner of this barbaric contest wins food and prestige for their respective district. It makes one wonder if we are creating some bizarre self fulfilling prophecy. Is it the fate of humanity to one day live these mephistophelean nightmares?

“The corporate grip on opinion in the United States is one of the wonders of the Western world. No First World country has ever managed to eliminate so entirely from its media all objectivity – much less dissent.” — Gore Vidal

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween