Thanksgiving Eve = Friendsday

By National Proclamation we present this dedication,

That heretofore and henceforward on,

This day shall be known as Friendsday!

The day before Thanksgiving let’s celebrate the life,

That comes with simply living without envy, greed or strife

Let’s end all confrontation if only for this day,

and tomorrow carve a turkey and watch the games we play

Grab a chair and share a drink

While peaceful friendly thoughts you think

With days like this we could end the war

Heaven only knows what’s in store!

So share some joy and friendship,

Though you be near or far apart,

With those that you hold dear to you,

In your mind and in your heart,

Now gather all you minstrels,

And cook us up a song about

A new day we’ll call Friendsday

To last the whole year long!

“A good friend is like a grain of wheat, you keep the kernel and blow away the chaff!” — Old German Proverb

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh?” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet. “I just wanted to be sure of you.” — Piglet from Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

It’s Getting Hot In Here

The phone rang in the Georgetown brownstone. It was the old style ring, the Speaker preferred it to the modern whirring buzzing. Only this night the sound was not welcome at all. He stood up and walked across the creaking boards of the old plank floor. He picked up the receiver and as he did he refilled his glass of scotch from the decanter on the table beside the phone.

“Hello” he said in a ragged scornful voice worn thin from years of blubbering on the house floor and smoking. “It’s late”, he protested in a defeated way.

He listened intently to the voice at the other end. His demeanor dropped. Reaching in his robe pocket he produced a pack of parliament cigarettes. His zippo lighter lit a dirty flame as he inhaled deeply.

“Well they haven’t’ gotten me yet” he said chuckling but his chuckle turned into a hard cough.

“What’s this all about?”

He pressed the receiver into his ear as if he was talking to someone far away. As he listened his face became flushed. He put the cigarette down in a ridiculous floorstand ashtray that looked out of the nineteen twenties. It was in fact an antique from the decade before the great crash. He creaked again to the scotch on the table. The phone was a land line which he had always believed were more secure. While he avoided stepping on the cord his face became engorged with blood and with his spray tan his face became a hideous shade of burnt sienna.

“How did you get this number?”

Miles away in a plantation house the Baron sat in a wicker chair smiling obscenely as he spoke softly to the Speaker of the House. His voice resonated musically above the sounds of the night time tropical forest. He twirled a fine cigar in his fingers. Seated next to him at the table on the veranda sat a beautiful woman with a tarot deck. Carefully she placed a card in front of the Baron. It was the image of the Fool. The Baron smiled and winked at Solitaire. Pouring himself some rum he continued to speak into the antique phone made of bakelite. The candles flickered on the table casting an eerie light on his skeletal features. Even Solitaire could not make out what he was saying. To her his voice was like the ethereal music of the night.

The Speaker looked like he was going to pass out. “No I wont pay the piper whoever you are!” Now he was shouting. “Stop with that stupid mumbo jumbo.” A Secret service agent appeared at the door to the parlor. He shook his head at the dark suited man and waved him away with a dismissive gesture. The Speaker slammed the phone down in irritation. “Just a Goddamned looney tune Bobby. Pay no attention. Don’t know how he got my Goddamned number!”


The Baron silently replaced the receiver down and hung up. With careful precision he extinguished his cigar on the face of the Fool card and nodded, smiling at Solitaire. She drew another card from the deck and as she did a tropical sea breeze caused the wind chime to play a dolorous song. The card was the Magician. The Baron held up his crystal glass to the candle. The flames grew.

The Speaker now collapsed into his chair. He was muttering to himself. He reached up to loosen his collar. Wiping his face with a handkerchief he was shaking his head. He wondered how he had suddenly gotten a fever. He felt faint. He was drained. Drifting off he snored the troubled snore of a man who owed too much.

In New Orleans that night Madame Jubal sat in her shop. The candles before her flickered and even crackled. “The Baron stirs tonight” she said. The clock on the wall chimed three times.

“Any fool can condemn criticize and complain – and most fools do.” — Benjamin Franklin

“Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory” — Bruce Lee

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Offer Solutions; We Know There’s A Problem

What can be done about so much hate and criticism all over the media these days? Its’ presence is pervasive in every form of media and certainly in the increasingly ridiculous realm of politics. People are freely sharing their hatred of one thing or another because they can do so in a fashion that appears to be anonymous. Nothing constructive comes out of any of this bullying and spewing of venom. Feel free to disagree with other people’s opinions but please note that bitterly sharing insult and vitriol is not the way solutions for a better way of doing things comes about.

We need to start respecting each others opinions and sharing our human experience and diversity. It is the politicians job to mitigate this communication and turn it into something constructive. Most need to rise above their chosen profession of law as this by its’ very nature coldly removes itself from a certain level of humanity. We need politicians who actually listen to the people the have been elected to serve as opposed to serving their own special interests and egotistical aspirations. It’s time to elevate the level of communication in the four estates of American Government; not to debase it into the name calling playground confrontation it has become.

Furthermore if we can remove the influences of big money from politics we will actually empower the individual! It’s absolutely amazing how many privately funded political interest groups use advertising and media influences to suggest quite the opposite is true. In reality, when the motivations are revealed, it’s not hard to tell the difference between the good and the bad guys. No rose colored glasses required simply a good measure of common sense. Corporations are not people nor do they behave altruistically. The Supreme Court has done our country a great injustice in upholding their rights as individual entities. Remember as well: Politicians serve the People; not the other way around!

“The more you can increase the fear of drugs and crime, welfare mothers, immigrants and aliens, the more you control all the people.” — Noam Chomsky

“Liberals are concerned about the concentration of wealth because it inevitably leads to a concentration of power that undermines democracy.” — Robert B. Reich

The more you can increase fear of drugs and crime, welfare mothers, immigrants and aliens, the more you control all the people.
The more you can increase fear of drugs and crime, welfare mothers, immigrants and aliens, the more you control all the people.
The more you can increase fear of drugs and crime, welfare mothers, immigrants and aliens, the more you control all the people.

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Tea Baggers Zero/ Jersey Goombas One

The election results are in! The votes have been counted. The message is clear. If the Republicans have any chance of staying in the next Presidential election they have to stick with candidates that can grease the competition rather than deny them oral sex and sodomy. Better to stick with a guy who can deliver the goods than a pansy who is lousy in bed and frightened of vaginas. Weight was clearly not a factor here, nor was any serious look at voting records that should be of more import. Instead the United States of New Jersey reelected their stately Monarch, the Godfather of Trenton, Chris Christie. The man with a name so nice they named him twice!

Ken Cuccinelli (know as “The Cooch” to his minions; how ironic) bit on the big one in Virginia. Didn’t matter that Virginia is for lovers his campaign was out to deflower the state right out of Bacchanalian debauchery and take us back to the time of Leviticus. Even Ayn Rand Paul campaigning for him did not help his anti anal endeavors. Despite his name ending in a vowel he was simply not the type to get it done when it counted. His flaccid campaign simply petered out and never came. The tea baggers had no imagination to stiffen him up and thrust him into the Governorship. Even with his outspoken hatred of all things Obama; he was thwarted by a prophylactic Democrat. All hail Governor Terry McAulliffe the new sultan of swing in Virginia. Maybe now the state can be for lovers again! Vaginal, Oral or Anal it’s a triple threat!

Let that be a hard lesson to all the ancient thinking Republicans who want a shot at being the next President. You can give us all the dope we can smoke but sometimes we just, depending on your persuasion of course, want to smoke the sausage, pin the tail on the donkey and rub one out for the Gipper! “If a man lay with another he must be stoned” it says in Leviticus. Damn straight and it better be some good herb. So keep the damn government out of the bedroom. Start doing some actual work in Washington. Save the Earth and stop wasting our time with arguing. Leave your stupid religion and outrageous moral demands at home and face reality before there is no Earth left to leave to our children.

“There is more stupidity than Hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.” — Frank Zappa

“I don’t believe in dressing up reality. I don’t believe in using make up to make things look smoother.” — Lou Reed

“Two Rock and Roll Icons. These are the true moral men of our time who both passed away too soon.” — Jake Shween

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween