‘Twas A Week Before Christmas & All Through The House…,

‘Twas a week before Christmas

And all through the House,

A Boehner was stirring,

The Tea Bagging crowd!

He passed a Ryan budget.

And much to their spite,

He called out the Funders

Of the far flinging Right!

Meanwhile the Limbaughs, the Hannitys and Becks

Were soaking their microphones,

With foam and spit flecks

They called him a turncoat,

And no Santa Claus

But then came Pope Francis,

To give everyone Pause,

He was the first Pope

To emulate Christ,

By shining an example

That made everyone look twice.

He called out our Idols,

The Capitalist Klan!

He asked us to Share More

With our Fellow Man!

And by an example

He sets with his Life

He shows us a way

To lessen our strife.

So heed now Pope Francis,

Whatever your faith

His words full of wisdom

Can heal us of Hate

And maybe just maybe

There’s hope in this world

When we all come together

And the truth is Unfurled!

“A propensity to hope and joy is real riches; one to fear and sorrow real poverty.” — David Hume

“Avarice, the spur of industry.” — David Hume

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

GOP Sensitivity Training in the District of Capitalism

It has been announced that the Grand Old Party will be requiring its’ members to undergo ‘sensitivity training’ to aid the party in attracting more women and minority voters. This might be a great success if undergone properly and with the correct supervision. Forget Frank Luntz and the idea of a Weekend at Bernie’s . This entire procedure will require the most rigorous treatment processes not unlike the brainwashing given to the lead character Alex in the famous Stanley Kubrick film, A Clockwork Orange. (Based on the book of the same name by Anthony Burgess.)

Short of being born again here are some suggestions for GOP members:

1. Work in a fast food restaurant. Yes you read that right. Each member shall be required to complete at least 400 hours at a fast food restaurant of the independently appointed therapist’s choosing. They will not receive any special treatment as they must remain incognito for their entire term of employment. During this time their regular pay will go to charity and they will be forced to live on the minimum wage even if it means they will lose their posh DC digs. They will not be allowed to use any outside money during this time to supplement their income. They must undergo the process and humiliation of applying for food stamps and government assistance like a regular American citizen.

2. Pick vegetables with migrant workers. Each member will be assigned to live with a migrant workers family during the growing season. As above they will remain incognito. If language is a barrier they will be required to learn a foreign language. The foreman of each farm will work closely with the independently appointed therapist to make sure that each member makes their quota regardless of age, race or creed. They will not be allowed to join any union or receive any benefits during this part of their sensitivity training since they will be considered to be in the country illegally.

3. They will spend two months living with pensioners who were robbed of their pensions. Perhaps Detroit will be a good city to relocate some of the members to for this next phase of their reprogramming (since nothing short of reprogramming will bring about an epiphany). They will contribute nothing at this point but their advice on how to live on very little. In the event that there are not enough pensioners willing to take in these Beltway Bullies, they will be assigned to live with social security recipients across the country whether they be retired or on permanent disability.

4. Environmental concerns are the next phase of the sensitivity training. Each member will spend at minimum two months assisting in a cleanup of an environmental disaster. Oil spills will be a good place to train the members and give them hands on conditioning, exposure to the toxic sludge as well as a little bit of concern for the environment which they seem more than willing to destroy for the sake of corporate profits and unabated greed. If an oil spill is unavailable which seems highly unlikely they will be assigned to clean up a train wreck. Perhaps then they might see that the expense of automated braking systems for all trains is more than worth the cost of freight and human life.

5. After they complete the above training a crucial phase in the sensitivity process begins. Each member must sit in and assist a rape counselor for a minimum two month time period. They must endure the pain and tears of the victims and begin to empathize with what it feels like to have ones’ dignity and self worth violated in a single act of senseless violence. At this point the rape counselor will keep the sensitivity therapist apprised of the progress or lack thereof of each member. Since this is an especially crucial part of their training, each member will be given a performance evaluation upon completion of this phase. If they are successful they may now return to Capitol Hill.

All records of their training will be made public and posted on the internet. These are our Public Servants and as such there will be complete and utter transparency in all phases of their reintroduction to political life.


“One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.” — Dr. Carl G. Jung

“Instead of being presented with stereotypes by age, sex, color, class, or religion, children must have the opportunity to learn that within each range, some people are loathsome and some are delightful.” — Margaret Mead

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/carljung108028.html#xWI8eXu2dKb63RTs.99

One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.

Carl Jung

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/carljung108028.html#xWI8eXu2dKb63RT

New GOP Solution for Obamacare (ACA); Old Boehner Care

Meeting in secret with Koch Industries’ subsidiaries which are the “Heritage Foundation” and “Americans for Prosperity” the GOP has come up with a fair and balanced solution for the impending, prolapsed and otherwise promisingly successful Affordable Care Act.¬†Today it was announced that Old Boehner Care would be their solution as soon as that idealistic bastard President Obama gets out of their way. Never mind the bombastic Pope either folks, if people are poor and hungry and without health care Old Boehner Care will fill all their holes.

With Old Boehner Care you can keep your current health care plan. For a discount price you can be insured against anything from pregnancy to cosmic collision. All of our doctors are in the Old Boehner Care network and each one is board AMA (Actual Mental¬† Aberration) approved! Never mind if you have a chronic or preexisting condition there is nothing that a pair of pliers, a hacksaw or a well placed bullet can’t cure. These new GOP approved clinics will be built beside existing hospitals near the medical waste dumpsters to make clean up easy and affordable.

In the event that any spare organs can be donated or removed Koch Industries will issue the lucky devil a coupon redeemable for any of their health related products. For instance if you donate a kidney you may well receive a credit card that entitles you to free gasoline for one year. Just imagine the traveling you could do! You can leave that old coal town that is slowly dying and go to Detroit! What a hilariously small price to pay for all that automotive freedom. If you donate a spleen you may well receive a credit card for heating oil for a month. That would come in mighty handy warming your Montana bungalow in January. If you donate your heart to Dick Cheney you’ll die but your family will receive a copy of the Bible autographed by all the current Republican members of Congress! What precious memories to leave to your loved ones!

So don’t sign up for that failed Obamacare plan! Thumb your nose at those socialist Democrats. Join with Koch Industries and their heartless lying friends in the GOP party as well as Rupert Murdoch’s buddies at Fox and Friends. Remember our slogan: If it can’t be fixed for less than the deductible take it out back by the dumpster. We’re here for you America! God Bless you all!

“Women don’t care about contraception.” Republican governor from South Carolina, Nikki Haley (2012)

“Resolve not to be overcome by evil, but to combat evil with good, working together to build an ever more just, free and secure society for generations yet to come.”— Pope Francis

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween