Tag Archives: Rupert Murdoch

New GOP Solution for Obamacare (ACA); Old Boehner Care

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Meeting in secret with Koch Industries’ subsidiaries which are the “Heritage Foundation” and “Americans for Prosperity” the GOP has come up with a fair and balanced solution for the impending, prolapsed and otherwise promisingly successful Affordable Care Act. Today it was announced that Old Boehner Care would be their solution as soon as that idealistic bastard President Obama gets out of their way. Never mind the bombastic Pope either folks, if people are poor and hungry and without health care Old Boehner Care will fill all their holes.

With Old Boehner Care you can keep your current health care plan. For a discount price you can be insured against anything from pregnancy to cosmic collision. All of our doctors are in the Old Boehner Care network and each one is board AMA (Actual Mental  Aberration) approved! Never mind if you have a chronic or preexisting condition there is nothing that a pair of pliers, a hacksaw or a well placed bullet can’t cure. These new GOP approved clinics will be built beside existing hospitals near the medical waste dumpsters to make clean up easy and affordable.

In the event that any spare organs can be donated or removed Koch Industries will issue the lucky devil a coupon redeemable for any of their health related products. For instance if you donate a kidney you may well receive a credit card that entitles you to free gasoline for one year. Just imagine the traveling you could do! You can leave that old coal town that is slowly dying and go to Detroit! What a hilariously small price to pay for all that automotive freedom. If you donate a spleen you may well receive a credit card for heating oil for a month. That would come in mighty handy warming your Montana bungalow in January. If you donate your heart to Dick Cheney you’ll die but your family will receive a copy of the Bible autographed by all the current Republican members of Congress! What precious memories to leave to your loved ones!

So don’t sign up for that failed Obamacare plan! Thumb your nose at those socialist Democrats. Join with Koch Industries and their heartless lying friends in the GOP party as well as Rupert Murdoch’s buddies at Fox and Friends. Remember our slogan: If it can’t be fixed for less than the deductible take it out back by the dumpster. We’re here for you America! God Bless you all!

“Women don’t care about contraception.” — Republican governor from South Carolina, Nikki Haley (2012)

“Resolve not to be overcome by evil, but to combat evil with good, working together to build an ever more just, free and secure society for generations yet to come.”— Pope Francis

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Rupert’s Folly; Newt Bites It

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Looks like the end of Rupert Murdoch’s reign as the head of the News Corporation. According to the parliamentary committee in London he is “not fit to exercise the stewardship of a major international company”. This calls to question: will this affect the credibility of his news operation here in America? That remains to be seen. His current cast of bozos seem to be in denial. Perhaps they all actually believe in their own twisted perceptions of reality. It would be bombastic if any of them could admit to the fact that their boss is a bully and no better than a mob boss. Even a pirate has more conscience than a man who would freely let his underlings hack phone lines and then deny any knowledge of their behavior. Oh how the mighty fall!

Not that long ago in March of 1985 Rupert embarked on his plan to establish a new network in the United States. His plan was bold and quite unconventional. Many naysayers thought that the network was doomed from the start with it’s assortment of untested shows that first aired in October of 1986. Many of those early shows met a quick demise but some survived as Rupert was not afraid to spend the money to keep talent. In October of 1996 he set his sites on a 24 hour cable news network. Almost immediately he resorted to tabloid journalism. The Fox News Channel now consists of loud mouth imbeciles who sadly spew doctrines of hatred and division endlessly. Sad that anyone in their right mind would subscribe to such blabbering which seems beyond right wing. In fact the opinions expressed on Fox News border on and fall into the fantasies of what you might call the lunatic fringe. What will Rupert’s next quest be? Well at 81 perhaps there is an opening for him as a consultant to Mitt Romney. Antique thinking seems to be the case for the GOP who want to return us to a pathetic bunch of brain bashing Luddites while they escape with all of our hard earned cash to their sterile fortresses.

Oh Newt how big you once talked! Now it looks like its back to the scum filled pond you crawled out of. (Sad that you share a name with a noble member of the amphibian species.) You will have to support Romney now! You said such nice things about him. It’s like you two guys could not get enough of each other. Don’t worry Newt! At 68 you can always hook up with Rupert Murdoch. Maybe you two can become the new Laurel and Hardy of the Fox News corporation. Now that would be a show we could all enjoy! The Newt and Rupert Comedy Hour exclusively on Fox News Channel. Has a nice ring to it. You could do a live broadcast every night of the week and compare notes and crazy rantings! Good luck Newt! We will miss your gay stay puffed marshmallow head spouting vague references to ill conceived notions and mean spirited but well meaning diatribes! Don’t forget to give Romney a big wet kiss as you depart!

“The Big Show is inside my head!” — Kurt Vonnegut

“I don’t care what you say about me, just spell my name right.”— P.T. Barnum

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween