New Conversion Therapy Makes Republicans Gayer!

In a little reported discovery earlier this week doctors in Thailand have isolated a gene which if manipulated carefully by radiation therapy may result in a generation of gayer Republicans. Doctor Poon Tang of Twatyang Institute of Bangkok announced that for several years now his team had been working on a remedy for the typical constipated, small minded, anti-art Republican. After years of intensely secretive research on this particularly frustrating ailment, using primarily voluntary test subjects from various infected red states, areas known for their contamination, Doctor Tang and his team proclaimed satisfactory seminal results from the preliminary reparative therapy.

“We have isolated the ARTGAP1 gene and provided it with ample doses of healing sunshine from the premises of our happy domicile. In this extrusion we have exhibited such effects as are known to provide a well being for the healing process. After several treatments our exceedingly successful subjects have returned to their normal lives with renewed sense of health, vigor and enlightenment. We hope soon to expose this treatment to many more constipated republicans in the hope of causing the gridlock and cultural stink to end in the middle of our great friend country America.” Doctor Tang said through an interpreter.

Rumors are already circulating in Stockholm, Sweden that Doctor Poon Tang and the prestigious Twatyang institute may very well win this years Nobel Prize in medicine. This will be the first such award for a doctor from Thailand. Doctor Poon Tang and his staff announced that they would be thrilled to receive such an award. Doctor Poon Tang also graciously invited any small minded constipated Republicans who wish to seek his treatment free flights and room and board. Lucky participants will get an all expense paid trip to the luxurious Shangri-La Hotel located on the banks of the River of Kings just blocks from the Twatyang Institute. Treatment will be administered over the course of several weeks and entertainment is all included.

In the rare and strange event that this new miraculous treatment does not work; litigate not. There are many vacancies available working with old and crippled lawyers in the dark swampy jungles of nearby Laos.

“Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.” — Jerry Garcia

“Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” — Alan Watts

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

New Conversion Therapy Makes Republicans Gayer!

In a little reported discovery earlier this week doctors in Thailand have isolated a gene which if manipulated carefully by radiation therapy may result in a generation of gayer Republicans. Doctor Poon Tang of Twatyang Institute of Bangkok announced that for several years now his team had been working on a remedy for the typical constipated, small minded, anti-art Republican. After years of intensely secretive research on this particularly frustrating ailment, using primarily voluntary test subjects from various infected red states, areas known for their contamination, Doctor Tang and his team proclaimed satisfactory seminal results from the preliminary reparative therapy.

“We have isolated the ARTGAP1 gene and provided it with ample doses of healing sunshine from the premises of our happy domicile. In this extrusion we have exhibited such effects as are known to provide a well being for the healing process. After several treatments our exceedingly successful subjects have returned to their normal lives with renewed sense of health, vigor and enlightenment. We hope soon to expose this treatment to many more constipated republicans in the hope of causing the gridlock and cultural stink to end in the middle of our great friend country America.” Doctor Tang said through an interpreter.

Rumors are already circulating in Stockholm, Sweden that Doctor Poon Tang and the prestigious Twatyang institute may very well win this years Nobel Prize in medicine. This will be the first such award for a doctor from Thailand. Doctor Poon Tang and his staff announced that they would be thrilled to receive such an award. Doctor Poon Tang also graciously invited any small minded constipated Republicans who wish to seek his treatment free flights and room and board. Lucky participants will get an all expense paid trip to the luxurious Shangri-La Hotel located on the banks of the River of Kings just blocks from the Twatyang Institute. Treatment will be administered over the course of several weeks and entertainment is all included.

In the rare and strange event that this new miraculous treatment does not work; litigate not. There are many vacancies available working with old and crippled lawyers in the dark swampy jungles of nearby Laos.

“Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.” — Jerry Garcia

“Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” — Alan Watts

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Letter From God

Dear Humanity,

We use that term to be civil. “Dear” meaning in this case: precious. “Humanity” meaning in this case: the human race. The latter term has been disappointing of late as some of those who claim to be human choose to show the basest characteristics of this species which is ironic since many of you have the audacity to claim to be descended from our form or image. In any case, we digress,  back to the letter. Please refrain from bothering us any more as we simply can’t help any of you. It is up to all of you to come together and start taking care of the earth. We thought the instructions were simple enough but apparently not for all of you.

Please stop blaming us in any way shape or form for your shortcomings. These include your ever popular crimes of murder and rape. We have nothing to do with these wicked and heinous things that you do. You have free will. Please refer to your original contracts and note the disclaimer therein. Do not involve us in your political squabbles and stupid rivalries. Stop arguing as to which of our representatives you like, dislike, love or hate the most as these feelings and emotions will avail you nothing. If your team wins the game don’t even thank us because frankly we couldn’t care less either way. Stop screaming our names and perpetuating the myth that somehow we could have prevented or caused your misery.

The path for your mutual happiness lies in your ability to help each other. You must learn to share your gifts with each other. There is nothing to be gained from gathering the most to yourself. The earth, like your humanity, is fragile and easily damaged and destroyed. The sooner you learn how to cooperate on an international level the closer you will be to the heaven that you seem to crave and dream about.

Why, you might ask do we refer to ourselves as we? It is because we exist on all the different levels of time and space and the continuum. We possess the mindset of both the male and female principles. We wear the mask of eternity. Consciousness is simply one aspect of knowledge. To know all one must understand the reality of absolute nothing. That cannot, on this three dimensional plane, be shared …….

“Names can be named but not the Eternal Name.” —- Lao Tzu

“A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.” — Groucho Marx

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

The Case for Truth and Reality

The stage exploded tonight at the Democratic National Convention. The truth has been explained and put on the table. How much longer do the Republicans expect the American people to believe in their blatant lies and fantastical stories of wealth that trickles down? The Republican party has become the party of the oligarchy. Sure there are Corporate Democrats but they are outnumbered by the slash and burn Republicans on the other side of the aisle. The obstinate behavior, the unwillingness to cooperate is now squarely on the shoulders of the foolish senators and congressmen who refused to come across the aisle and do what was right for the country.

Mitch McConnell, Eric Cantor and John Boehner your lying days are over. Certainly your K Street friends will snap you up for their lobbying assignments. You need to get out of the way of progress and out of the way of providence. Your obstinance and evil are increasingly evident and exposed. People are becoming wise to the preposterous realities that Fox News dares to propose as being real. Even members of your own party are starting to cut their losses and run from the extreme right and its’ crippling hatred. The three of you have done nothing but blocked President Obama at every turn. McConnell you stood in front of a microphone and admitted such childish behavior! Cantor you stormed out of the room when Boehner even suggested a concession to the Obama administration. If you were all back in kindergarten you would be called out for antisocial behavior. It’s quite an outrage that you were elected to serve the public.

Changes are coming. The truth is now on the table for everyone to see. The channels of communication are open. The young people are listening. They need education to compete in an increasingly technical world with reliance on engineering and science. Education will help this country to compete and succeed in what will be an exciting and challenging future. Health care and education should be fundamental rights that are affordable to every American. If government is broken and not working it is the right of the people in a democracy to change it. McConnell, Cantor and Boehner like three intractable louts, you need to get out of the way.

“The keystone of successful business is cooperation. Friction retards progress.”— James Cash Penney

“If the administration wants cooperation, it will have to begin to move in our direction.”— Mitch McConnell

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween
Here’s a pic from Charlotte today and DNC protesters

Corporations are NOT people!

Rupert’s Folly; Newt Bites It

Looks like the end of Rupert Murdoch’s reign as the head of the News Corporation. According to the parliamentary committee in London he is “not fit to exercise the stewardship of a major international company”. This calls to question: will this affect the credibility of his news operation here in America? That remains to be seen. His current cast of bozos seem to be in denial. Perhaps they all actually believe in their own twisted perceptions of reality. It would be bombastic if any of them could admit to the fact that their boss is a bully and no better than a mob boss. Even a pirate has more conscience than a man who would freely let his underlings hack phone lines and then deny any knowledge of their behavior. Oh how the mighty fall!

Not that long ago in March of 1985 Rupert embarked on his plan to establish a new network in the United States. His plan was bold and quite unconventional. Many naysayers thought that the network was doomed from the start with it’s assortment of untested shows that first aired in October of 1986. Many of those early shows met a quick demise but some survived as Rupert was not afraid to spend the money to keep talent. In October of 1996 he set his sites on a 24 hour cable news network. Almost immediately he resorted to tabloid journalism. The Fox News Channel now consists of loud mouth imbeciles who sadly spew doctrines of hatred and division endlessly. Sad that anyone in their right mind would subscribe to such blabbering which seems beyond right wing. In fact the opinions expressed on Fox News border on and fall into the fantasies of what you might call the lunatic fringe. What will Rupert’s next quest be? Well at 81 perhaps there is an opening for him as a consultant to Mitt Romney. Antique thinking seems to be the case for the GOP who want to return us to a pathetic bunch of brain bashing Luddites while they escape with all of our hard earned cash to their sterile fortresses.

Oh Newt how big you once talked! Now it looks like its back to the scum filled pond you crawled out of. (Sad that you share a name with a noble member of the amphibian species.) You will have to support Romney now! You said such nice things about him. It’s like you two guys could not get enough of each other. Don’t worry Newt! At 68 you can always hook up with Rupert Murdoch. Maybe you two can become the new Laurel and Hardy of the Fox News corporation. Now that would be a show we could all enjoy! The Newt and Rupert Comedy Hour exclusively on Fox News Channel. Has a nice ring to it. You could do a live broadcast every night of the week and compare notes and crazy rantings! Good luck Newt! We will miss your gay stay puffed marshmallow head spouting vague references to ill conceived notions and mean spirited but well meaning diatribes! Don’t forget to give Romney a big wet kiss as you depart!

“The Big Show is inside my head!” — Kurt Vonnegut

“I don’t care what you say about me, just spell my name right.”— P.T. Barnum

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Several Oligarchies I Would Like to See!

Well it’s been another fruit filled week of campaigning for our dear Republican candidates. While I ruminate over their collective fodder I feel the need  to expurgate with the following suggestions.

Why don’t we establish three separate oligarchies? There the candidates can rule supreme and pander to their respective minions.

One – Santoria: This could be a magical serfdom where there are no colleges or universities. All women would live like they did in centuries past in a patriarchal society.  There would be no need for a higher education as all we would need would be the pearls of wisdom that proceeded from the holy lips of our faithful evangelical pope the inimitable Richard John Santorum. Such joyful facts as: “Satan has his sights on the United States of America”.  The people could arm themselves accordingly. Rick Santorum would be the figurehead of this despotic society, he would be the puppet of an energy executive. True control would belong of course to his benefactor, the infallible William J. Dore. He would call the shots from his Louisiana stronghold. They could declare war on the environment and destroy everything waiting in vain for God to give them a new earth!

Two – Romnia: A wonderful country where King Willard of Mitt presides forever! It would be everyone’s task to make sure that all the trees were the correct height. Only cars that he liked would be allowed. His beloved wife, Queen Ann of Davies would have a fleet of Cadillacs. It is quite an irony that someone he despises saved General Motors the auto company that makes the very car his queen drives! All his subjects would also be required to flip flop at the drop of a hat and say anything to get noticed. His robotic style would be revered. Wall street greed would be the credo. Royal subjects would everyday strap their dogs to the roofs of their cars and speed up and down the interstate so they can get fresh air, to hell with walking them! They can defecate on the fly! PETA would be changed to: Pundits for the Egotistical Treatment of Aristocrats!

Three – Gingrinch: A fantastical world were the moon would be populated! We could shift the entire planet! There would be no need for anyone to think any more as the entire population would be controlled by a giant head encased in a bath of saline and micro-nutrients. The giant head would supply everyone’s desires. Hypocrisy would be the new religion and stupidity the role of every man, woman and child. Defy the giant head at your own peril! Periodically stem cells could be generated from his head so that his numerous wives could be impregnated. If they are not pretty enough they shall be terminated. Child labor would be reinstated. The children would slave to run the giant casinos that would operate under the auspices of the real ruler Sheldon Adelson. They would serve drinks and scrape the puke off the bathroom walls while the adults put all their savings into the slot machines!

Now where would we put these oligarchical kingdoms? If we melt Antarctica and divide it into two fiefdoms that takes care of Romnia and Santoria. Gingrinch could be a giant casino town on the moon. Now of course this is not written in stone. Dear reader if you have a suggestion it is welcome!

“History is a Nightmare from which I am trying to awaken!” –  James Joyce

Get off the cell phone and DRIVE!  —Jake Shween