GOP Sensitivity Training in the District of Capitalism

It has been announced that the Grand Old Party will be requiring its’ members to undergo ‘sensitivity training’ to aid the party in attracting more women and minority voters. This might be a great success if undergone properly and with the correct supervision. Forget Frank Luntz and the idea of a Weekend at Bernie’s . This entire procedure will require the most rigorous treatment processes not unlike the brainwashing given to the lead character Alex in the famous Stanley Kubrick film, A Clockwork Orange. (Based on the book of the same name by Anthony Burgess.)

Short of being born again here are some suggestions for GOP members:

1. Work in a fast food restaurant. Yes you read that right. Each member shall be required to complete at least 400 hours at a fast food restaurant of the independently appointed therapist’s choosing. They will not receive any special treatment as they must remain incognito for their entire term of employment. During this time their regular pay will go to charity and they will be forced to live on the minimum wage even if it means they will lose their posh DC digs. They will not be allowed to use any outside money during this time to supplement their income. They must undergo the process and humiliation of applying for food stamps and government assistance like a regular American citizen.

2. Pick vegetables with migrant workers. Each member will be assigned to live with a migrant workers family during the growing season. As above they will remain incognito. If language is a barrier they will be required to learn a foreign language. The foreman of each farm will work closely with the independently appointed therapist to make sure that each member makes their quota regardless of age, race or creed. They will not be allowed to join any union or receive any benefits during this part of their sensitivity training since they will be considered to be in the country illegally.

3. They will spend two months living with pensioners who were robbed of their pensions. Perhaps Detroit will be a good city to relocate some of the members to for this next phase of their reprogramming (since nothing short of reprogramming will bring about an epiphany). They will contribute nothing at this point but their advice on how to live on very little. In the event that there are not enough pensioners willing to take in these Beltway Bullies, they will be assigned to live with social security recipients across the country whether they be retired or on permanent disability.

4. Environmental concerns are the next phase of the sensitivity training. Each member will spend at minimum two months assisting in a cleanup of an environmental disaster. Oil spills will be a good place to train the members and give them hands on conditioning, exposure to the toxic sludge as well as a little bit of concern for the environment which they seem more than willing to destroy for the sake of corporate profits and unabated greed. If an oil spill is unavailable which seems highly unlikely they will be assigned to clean up a train wreck. Perhaps then they might see that the expense of automated braking systems for all trains is more than worth the cost of freight and human life.

5. After they complete the above training a crucial phase in the sensitivity process begins. Each member must sit in and assist a rape counselor for a minimum two month time period. They must endure the pain and tears of the victims and begin to empathize with what it feels like to have ones’ dignity and self worth violated in a single act of senseless violence. At this point the rape counselor will keep the sensitivity therapist apprised of the progress or lack thereof of each member. Since this is an especially crucial part of their training, each member will be given a performance evaluation upon completion of this phase. If they are successful they may now return to Capitol Hill.

All records of their training will be made public and posted on the internet. These are our Public Servants and as such there will be complete and utter transparency in all phases of their reintroduction to political life.

********

“One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.” — Dr. Carl G. Jung

“Instead of being presented with stereotypes by age, sex, color, class, or religion, children must have the opportunity to learn that within each range, some people are loathsome and some are delightful.” — Margaret Mead

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/carljung108028.html#xWI8eXu2dKb63RTs.99

One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.

Carl Jung

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/carljung108028.html#xWI8eXu2dKb63RT

GOP Sensitivity Training in the District of Capitalism

It has been announced that the Grand Old Party will be requiring its’ members to undergo ‘sensitivity training’ to aid the party in attracting more women and minority voters. This might be a great success if undergone properly and with the correct supervision. Forget Frank Luntz and the idea of a Weekend at Bernie’s . This entire procedure will require the most rigorous treatment processes not unlike the brainwashing given to the lead character Alex in the famous Stanley Kubrick film, A Clockwork Orange. (Based on the book of the same name by Anthony Burgess.)

Short of being born again here are some suggestions for GOP members:

1. Work in a fast food restaurant. Yes you read that right. Each member shall be required to complete at least 400 hours at a fast food restaurant of the independently appointed therapist’s choosing. They will not receive any special treatment as they must remain incognito for their entire term of employment. During this time their regular pay will go to charity and they will be forced to live on the minimum wage even if it means they will lose their posh DC digs. They will not be allowed to use any outside money during this time to supplement their income. They must undergo the process and humiliation of applying for food stamps and government assistance like a regular American citizen.

2. Pick vegetables with migrant workers. Each member will be assigned to live with a migrant workers family during the growing season. As above they will remain incognito. If language is a barrier they will be required to learn a foreign language. The foreman of each farm will work closely with the independently appointed therapist to make sure that each member makes their quota regardless of age, race or creed. They will not be allowed to join any union or receive any benefits during this part of their sensitivity training since they will be considered to be in the country illegally.

3. They will spend two months living with pensioners who were robbed of their pensions. Perhaps Detroit will be a good city to relocate some of the members to for this next phase of their reprogramming (since nothing short of reprogramming will bring about an epiphany). They will contribute nothing at this point but their advice on how to live on very little. In the event that there are not enough pensioners willing to take in these Beltway Bullies, they will be assigned to live with social security recipients across the country whether they be retired or on permanent disability.

4. Environmental concerns are the next phase of the sensitivity training. Each member will spend at minimum two months assisting in a cleanup of an environmental disaster. Oil spills will be a good place to train the members and give them hands on conditioning, exposure to the toxic sludge as well as a little bit of concern for the environment which they seem more than willing to destroy for the sake of corporate profits and unabated greed. If an oil spill is unavailable which seems highly unlikely they will be assigned to clean up a train wreck. Perhaps then they might see that the expense of automated braking systems for all trains is more than worth the cost of freight and human life.

5. After they complete the above training a crucial phase in the sensitivity process begins. Each member must sit in and assist a rape counselor for a minimum two month time period. They must endure the pain and tears of the victims and begin to empathize with what it feels like to have ones’ dignity and self worth violated in a single act of senseless violence. At this point the rape counselor will keep the sensitivity therapist apprised of the progress or lack thereof of each member. Since this is an especially crucial part of their training, each member will be given a performance evaluation upon completion of this phase. If they are successful they may now return to Capitol Hill.

All records of their training will be made public and posted on the internet. These are our Public Servants and as such there will be complete and utter transparency in all phases of their reintroduction to political life.

********

“One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.” — Dr. Carl G. Jung

“Instead of being presented with stereotypes by age, sex, color, class, or religion, children must have the opportunity to learn that within each range, some people are loathsome and some are delightful.” — Margaret Mead

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/carljung108028.html#xWI8eXu2dKb63RTs.99

One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.

Carl Jung

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/carljung108028.html#xWI8eXu2dKb63RT

Have You Hugged Your Corporation Today?

This past week we were entirely shocked and literally gobsmacked to learn that huge corporations have been receiving huge tax breaks by hiding out in Ireland where they can avoid paying what they owe in United States taxes. This arrangement is perfectly legal and why shouldn’t it be? Corporations have feelings too. We wouldn’t want to hurt the “job creators” now would we? Imagine how sad and lifeless our great country would be without such loving corporate entities as Apple, Johnson & Johnson, Citigroup, Google and Facebook? We need to care for and nurture these conglomerates before they turn on us and fire us for biting their hand. How could we fornicate without Pfizer providing blue pills to keep Limbaugh’s dick hard whilst he wrestles his favorite prostitutes? What lube would we use without Johnson & Johnson? How would we know where to put it without Googling it? Thankfully too, we can record it on our I-Phone and post it to Facebook  and finance the entire operation through Citigroup!

Dear friends take care of these dear corporations that have been so good to us! Clearly there would be much less “Job Creation” without these paladins of corporate benevolence. How desperately we need to fawn over them when they appear in our civilized senate to testify as to their innocence and life sustaining benefits. What better way to bring the senate and house together than in a bipartisan round of corporate fellatio! It’s all good boys. It’s all legal! Corporate Democrats welcome to the party, come and share with the Grand Old Party! Let’s circle around and jerk to the beat! Never mind that the poor guy who cashes in his 401K early gets his ass shot off in taxes when he is trying to pay the rent! He never pays the greens fees at the club! He is just a nobody!

These are the glory days of corporate irresponsibility. We now have a government that seems to be nothing more than an arranged puppet show of bureaucracy. The strings are being pulled by a shadowy oligarchy couched in some sick dark corner of the District of Columbia. The good of the people has been replaced by the good of the corporation. The legislative branch is deep in it, just watch they way they drooled at the Apple CEO Mr. Cook. The judicial branch decided months ago that corporations are indeed entitled to rights, the same rights as an individual. Now the executive branch has sided with Monsanto and signed H.R. 933 which included the “Monsanto Protection Act” which means that food that has been genetically altered and may actually be quite dangerous and carcinogenic does not even have to be labeled to show this fact! Wow these are sad days indeed for the democracy imagined by our country’s founders! The illusion of profit being the ultimate goal must be replaced by real sustainability. Otherwise the outcome is bleak  and perhaps non-existent for future generations.

“True terror is to wake up one morning and realize that your high school class is running the country.” — Kurt Vonnegut

“I like people who shake other people up and make them feel uncomfortable.” — Jim Morrison

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

The author expresses great sadness at the loss of Ray Manzarek. He was an invaluable member/founder of the Classic Rock Group The Doors. It was his music and genius that brought the mad and beautiful poetry of Jim Morrison to life. Ray we hope to see you when we “break on through to the other side”.

Costas Stands Tall; Bob Dole Rolls; Boehner is still well, a Boehner

Bob Costas stood tall on gun control this past week. First by quoting an article by Fox Sports Columnist Jason Whitlock at halftime on Sunday which stated: “If Jovan Belcher didn’t possess a gun, he and Kasandra Perkins would both be alive today.” On Tuesday he defended his remarks by appearing on NBC’s Last Word With Lawrence O’Donell. He spoke of the gun crazy society we now live in which supports a literal wild west mentality among certain segments of our society. Thank you Bob Costas for striking a nerve. It looks like you pissed off the fearless vitriol spewing Ted Nugent as well as a host of other gunpowder snorting lunatic fringe types! Bravo!

Speaking of the lunatic fringe, the bill supporting equal rights for handicapped people worldwide was shot down in the Senate on Tuesday. Despite the fact that the respectable former Senator Bob Dole appeared in his wheelchair and appealed for the ratification of this worldwide treatise. Perhaps if the treatise did not have the supposedly communist organization the United Nations attached to it it might have passed. Too bad that the powerful NRA had not put their stamp of approval on it. Not surprisingly former Pennsylvannia Senator Rick Santorum spoke publicly againt the treatise calling it: “A direct assualt on us.” Say no more Rick! Get Clancy and the boys and surround the barn!

Now back to the looming fiscal precipice. The fantastic chasm of doom into which we are about to plummet. Fret not it seems the plunge is imminent. The Grand Old Party refuses to budge and all Boehner’s best buds have come out to play. McConell is apparently laughing out loud devising a plan to use the debt limit to further reduce the country’s credit rating. Cantor is his usual nouveaux Virginia aristocracy self with his head so far up into his own arse he needs a proctologist to ever see daylight again. Boehner simply spray tans himself while he smokes and poses in front of a mirror practicing seventy different ways to say “no progress has been made” . We need a legislative branch of the government that does what we hire them to do. Not a bunch of out of touch puppets who rule at the pleasure of a select few. Tally Ho to the cliff we go! Maybe this is the real Tea Party! No representation without taxation!

“No representation without taxation!” — Jake Shween

“Never underestimate the power of the State to act out its’ own massive fantasies.” — Don DeLillo

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

The columnist expresses regret at the loss of Jovan Belcher and Kasandra Perkins. Our deepest sympathy and heartfelt condolences to the families of both these dearly departed people.