New Conversion Therapy Makes Republicans Gayer!

In a little reported discovery earlier this week doctors in Thailand have isolated a gene which if manipulated carefully by radiation therapy may result in a generation of gayer Republicans. Doctor Poon Tang of Twatyang Institute of Bangkok announced that for several years now his team had been working on a remedy for the typical constipated, small minded, anti-art Republican. After years of intensely secretive research on this particularly frustrating ailment, using primarily voluntary test subjects from various infected red states, areas known for their contamination, Doctor Tang and his team proclaimed satisfactory seminal results from the preliminary reparative therapy.

“We have isolated the ARTGAP1 gene and provided it with ample doses of healing sunshine from the premises of our happy domicile. In this extrusion we have exhibited such effects as are known to provide a well being for the healing process. After several treatments our exceedingly successful subjects have returned to their normal lives with renewed sense of health, vigor and enlightenment. We hope soon to expose this treatment to many more constipated republicans in the hope of causing the gridlock and cultural stink to end in the middle of our great friend country America.” Doctor Tang said through an interpreter.

Rumors are already circulating in Stockholm, Sweden that Doctor Poon Tang and the prestigious Twatyang institute may very well win this years Nobel Prize in medicine. This will be the first such award for a doctor from Thailand. Doctor Poon Tang and his staff announced that they would be thrilled to receive such an award. Doctor Poon Tang also graciously invited any small minded constipated Republicans who wish to seek his treatment free flights and room and board. Lucky participants will get an all expense paid trip to the luxurious Shangri-La Hotel located on the banks of the River of Kings just blocks from the Twatyang Institute. Treatment will be administered over the course of several weeks and entertainment is all included.

In the rare and strange event that this new miraculous treatment does not work; litigate not. There are many vacancies available working with old and crippled lawyers in the dark swampy jungles of nearby Laos.

“Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.” — Jerry Garcia

“Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” — Alan Watts

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Wanted: Independent Leaders for the Republican Party

The Republican party of the United States is in dire need of a complete overhaul. Somehow they have gone seriously off course. By pandering to the far right of extremism and embracing such monolithic mouthpieces as Limbaugh, Trump and Fox News the party has become lost in a morass of discord and hatred. At least Mitt Romney had the tact to admit defeat graciously in spite of the fact that he led a devious campaign filled with distortions of reality. Now Fox News has the crazy people in their glorious team of social miscreants accusing the other side of playing dirty to win the election! Of course the blow hard Trump and Limbaugh are quick to join in this cacophony of blithering idiocy. Whoa to the Republican party if it continues to let these mental midgets define who they are!

The Republican party is in dire need of some person to step above this fray. Someone with the will and fortitude to stand up to and put to rest this creed of lobbyist Grover Norquist. A free thinker who can put the former Scranton weatherman Bill O’Reilly in his place when O’Reilly suggests that the Republican party failed because the majority of people in The United States of America have declining moral values. Stop making excuses that have no basis in reality! The American people are wising up to the Republicans distortions of reality and very bad math. Put forth a free thinker who without condescension can tell the truth to America and argue for a wiser form of government. If not the Republican party will continue to disintegrate into a party that relies on hatred, lies, distortions and name calling if they have any hope of further deceiving the general population and that is not a path to lasting success.

Unfortunately for now there seems to be no such person on the horizon for the Republicans. Any rising star they have quickly becomes part of the military industrial complex and puts on the jack boots of their party members. Even the so called mavericks of the party have been stilted. The tea party has turned into the fossil fuel party. Maybe a camping trip to Greenland in the summer time is in order to prove to the last of the nay sayers that carbon dioxide is indeed heating the atmosphere and something needs to be done quickly and completely to avert worse disaster. Republicans need to embrace science and stop pretending it is something made up to bewilder them and call their faith into question. The sooner the party realizes that it can’t bully its way out of every problem the sooner they might produce a capable and courageous candidate who will not only earn the respect of the American people they will deserve it.

“Conservatives define themselves in terms of what they oppose.” — George Will

“I have a very large Twitter.” — Donald Trump

“The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.” — Rush Limbaugh

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Note: This was originally posted on November 7th 2012. It seems particularly relevant today as the Nation came precariously close to defaulting on its’ loans due to some delusional Republicans who had forgotten who won the Presidency. The message is the same.

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The War on Christmas; If Beck was King; Christmas and Taxes

All hail there is a war on Christmas according to the Fox holes on Fox News. There are entire towns proclaiming bans on Nativity scenes on public property. People there is a simple way around these restrictions on mixing church and state. Simply proclaim that the scenes are in honor of the “Baby Jones”. Most people have long forgotten Jesus’ twin brother Baby Jones. He was not affiliated with any church. He was visited by the three magi who played the cosmic jazz. He was fond of the food of heaven, the holy pancake cooked by the blessed Saint Jemima. Later when he grew up he became a Rastafarian and moved to Ethiopia to found the Cosmic Church! That’s free speech now. It’s just the Baby Jones man. Now on to King Beck of Boobland!

Imagine if you will a world where Glenn Beck was chief of the tribe. Let us quote from the holy book of Beck: “The most used phrase in my administration if I were to be president would be–‘What the hell you mean we’re out of missiles?’.” We would be living in a post apocalypse world. Wow sounds like beyond Thunderdome! Glenn would be the Master Blaster. It might take a nut like Mel Gibson to get back on the good foot and defeat the crazy Glenn Beck. Now there must be a problem when Mel Gibson is considered to be saner than Glenn Beck. If you are so crazy in your exhortations of lunatic histrionics that the Fox holes at Fox News reject you maybe you need your very own network. Maybe you need your own asteroid!

Now you simply can’t declare two wars and cut taxes. That is basic economics 101. Now it’s left to the sane people to clean up the crazy mess that Bushonomics left us in. Merry Christmas, here is the war, it’s a war on sanity in the legislative branch of the United States. Get real Congress. Somebody has to pay for the wars. Why does the burden always seem to go to the little guy? The person who takes great responsibility for their life and their family and who barely scrapes by every week? The person who goes over there to fight these terrible battles!? This unfounded capitalist greed must evolve and change for the better or it will surely be the death of Christmas and eventually the death of us all.

“I am a conservative, but I am not a zombie.” — Glenn Beck

“Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone.” — John Maynard Keynes

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

New Conversion Therapy Makes Republicans Gayer!

In a little reported discovery earlier this week doctors in Thailand have isolated a gene which if manipulated carefully by radiation therapy may result in a generation of gayer Republicans. Doctor Poon Tang of Twatyang Institute of Bangkok announced that for several years now his team had been working on a remedy for the typical constipated, small minded, anti-art Republican. After years of intensely secretive research on this particularly frustrating ailment, using primarily voluntary test subjects from various infected red states, areas known for their contamination, Doctor Tang and his team proclaimed satisfactory seminal results from the preliminary reparative therapy.

“We have isolated the ARTGAP1 gene and provided it with ample doses of healing sunshine from the premises of our happy domicile. In this extrusion we have exhibited such effects as are known to provide a well being for the healing process. After several treatments our exceedingly successful subjects have returned to their normal lives with renewed sense of health, vigor and enlightenment. We hope soon to expose this treatment to many more constipated republicans in the hope of causing the gridlock and cultural stink to end in the middle of our great friend country America.” Doctor Tang said through an interpreter.

Rumors are already circulating in Stockholm, Sweden that Doctor Poon Tang and the prestigious Twatyang institute may very well win this years Nobel Prize in medicine. This will be the first such award for a doctor from Thailand. Doctor Poon Tang and his staff announced that they would be thrilled to receive such an award. Doctor Poon Tang also graciously invited any small minded constipated Republicans who wish to seek his treatment free flights and room and board. Lucky participants will get an all expense paid trip to the luxurious Shangri-La Hotel located on the banks of the River of Kings just blocks from the Twatyang Institute. Treatment will be administered over the course of several weeks and entertainment is all included.

In the rare and strange event that this new miraculous treatment does not work; litigate not. There are many vacancies available working with old and crippled lawyers in the dark swampy jungles of nearby Laos.

“Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.” — Jerry Garcia

“Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” — Alan Watts

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Thanksgiving Stew Washington Style

What a new mess was cooking this past week in D.C. right before a welcome thanksgiving break. We’ve got Republicans sizzling up a serving of dyspepsia over the incident in Benghazi. Can you imagine they have to treat President Obama like the sous chef who mishandled the entire incident and gave the media a bad case of the trots with some terrorist plot misinformation? Funny thing is they had the same exact ingredients he had and they cooked up the same dish. Blaming the chef seems to be the easy way out of this one. The irony is Senator McCain’s and Graham’s short memory. Seems like just yesterday when Chefs Veep Cheney and President Bush cooked up a whopper over weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. That gave many people grief, heartburn, a huge national deficit and in all seriousness many good people died over that tomfoolery. One just can’t cook with that kind of oil. It just isn’t edible at all.

Add to that rumors we have of a couple of Generals muddling over the stuffing of some birds. Must have been a difficult recipe if it took an apparent thirty thousand emails to explain. “All In” seems to be a strange title for a cookbook but then these birds demanded a different kind of stuffing. Tampa Bay and Centcom and a tush of MacDill Air Force base is sure to spice up any dish. This dish is sure to simmer for quite some time. Probably won’t be near ready by the time turkey day rolls around. But surely it will be a turkey. Not surprising this type of dilemma would arise. Generals do worry about their privates and rightfully so. Let’s just hope that the giblets weren’t left out so long that they spoiled.

As far as Christmas is concerned the pudding pot is due to boil over on December 31 of this year. If that deaf dumb and blind cook, Senator McConnell has his way the pot might just explode. Why anyone ever ate at his restaurant to begin with is quite a mystery. As a cook he has absolutely no imagination whatsoever. Its grits, more grits and business as usual. The same bland food day after day and year after year, served up with a dose of hate and rancid butter. This intractable cook just can’t seem to get it through his diminutive mind or palette that a different dish might be in order and quick! This is what happens when a cook doesn’t even call their own shots. They live in a bland world of tasteless choices. Let us hope that Representative John Boehner can convince old Mitch to stick a sausage or two into his dish before the whole pot explodes! Stay tuned for the suspenseful conclusion of this pot of boiling fat.

“Damned Beaver/Jeremy is the War, he is every assertion the fucking War has ever made–that we are meant for work and government, for austerity: and these shall take priority over love, dreams, the spirit, the senses and the other second-class trivia that are found among the idle and mindless hours of the day….Damn them, they are wrong. They are insane.”— Thomas Pynchon, “Gravity’s Rainbow”

“My Mother gave me a real kick toward cooking, which was that if I wanted to eat, I’d better know how to do it myself.” — Daniel Craig aka James Bond

“Romney says Obama won because he promised his base ‘extraordinary gifts’. But what about the gifts the GOP gives to the rich every time they get elected? Like the crazy tax cuts President Bush gave while starting 2 wars?” –
— Jake Shween

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Wanted: Independent Leaders for the Republican Party

The Republican party of the United States is in dire need of a complete overhaul. Somehow they have gone seriously off course. By pandering to the far right of extremism and embracing such monolithic mouthpieces as Limbaugh, Trump and Fox News the party has become lost in a morass of discord and hatred. At least Mitt Romney had the chops to admit defeat graciously in spite of the fact that he led a devious campaign filled with distortions of reality. Now Fox News has the crazy people in their glorious team of social miscreants accusing the other side of playing dirty to win the election! Of course the blow hard Trump and Limbaugh are quick to join in this cacophony of blithering idiocy. Whoa to the Republican party if it continues to let these mental midgets define who they are!

The Republican party is in dire need of some person to step above this fray. Someone with the will and fortitude to stand up to and put to rest this creed of lobbyist Grover Norquist. A free thinker who can put the former Scranton weatherman Bill O’Reilly in his place when O’Reilly suggests that the Republican party failed because the majority of people in The United States of America have declining moral values. Stop making excuses that have no basis in reality! The American people are wising up to the Republicans distortions of reality and very bad math. Put forth a free thinker who without condescension can tell the truth to America and argue for a wiser form of government. If not the Republican party will continue to disintegrate into a party that relies on hatred, lies, distortions and name calling if they have any hope of further deceiving the general population and that is not a path to lasting success.

Unfortunately for now there seems to be no such person on the horizon for the Republicans. Any rising star they have quickly becomes part of the military industrial complex and puts on the jack boots of their party members. Even the so called mavericks of the party have been stilted. The tea party has turned into the fossil fuel party. Maybe a camping trip to Greenland in the summer time is in order to prove to the last of the nay sayers that carbon dioxide is indeed heating the atmosphere and something needs to be done quickly and completely to avert worse disaster. Republicans need to embrace science and stop pretending it is something made up to bewilder them and call their faith into question. The sooner the party realizes that it can’t bully its way out of every problem the sooner they might produce a capable and courageous candidate who will not only earn the respect of the American people they will deserve it.

“Conservatives define themselves in terms of what they oppose.” — George Will

“I have a very large Twitter.” — Donald Trump

“The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.” — Rush Limbaugh

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Letter From God

Dear Humanity,

We use that term to be civil. “Dear” meaning in this case: precious. “Humanity” meaning in this case: the human race. The latter term has been disappointing of late as some of those who claim to be human choose to show the basest characteristics of this species which is ironic since many of you have the audacity to claim to be descended from our form or image. In any case, we digress,  back to the letter. Please refrain from bothering us any more as we simply can’t help any of you. It is up to all of you to come together and start taking care of the earth. We thought the instructions were simple enough but apparently not for all of you.

Please stop blaming us in any way shape or form for your shortcomings. These include your ever popular crimes of murder and rape. We have nothing to do with these wicked and heinous things that you do. You have free will. Please refer to your original contracts and note the disclaimer therein. Do not involve us in your political squabbles and stupid rivalries. Stop arguing as to which of our representatives you like, dislike, love or hate the most as these feelings and emotions will avail you nothing. If your team wins the game don’t even thank us because frankly we couldn’t care less either way. Stop screaming our names and perpetuating the myth that somehow we could have prevented or caused your misery.

The path for your mutual happiness lies in your ability to help each other. You must learn to share your gifts with each other. There is nothing to be gained from gathering the most to yourself. The earth, like your humanity, is fragile and easily damaged and destroyed. The sooner you learn how to cooperate on an international level the closer you will be to the heaven that you seem to crave and dream about.

Why, you might ask do we refer to ourselves as we? It is because we exist on all the different levels of time and space and the continuum. We possess the mindset of both the male and female principles. We wear the mask of eternity. Consciousness is simply one aspect of knowledge. To know all one must understand the reality of absolute nothing. That cannot, on this three dimensional plane, be shared …….

“Names can be named but not the Eternal Name.” —- Lao Tzu

“A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.” — Groucho Marx

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

The Case for Truth and Reality

The stage exploded tonight at the Democratic National Convention. The truth has been explained and put on the table. How much longer do the Republicans expect the American people to believe in their blatant lies and fantastical stories of wealth that trickles down? The Republican party has become the party of the oligarchy. Sure there are Corporate Democrats but they are outnumbered by the slash and burn Republicans on the other side of the aisle. The obstinate behavior, the unwillingness to cooperate is now squarely on the shoulders of the foolish senators and congressmen who refused to come across the aisle and do what was right for the country.

Mitch McConnell, Eric Cantor and John Boehner your lying days are over. Certainly your K Street friends will snap you up for their lobbying assignments. You need to get out of the way of progress and out of the way of providence. Your obstinance and evil are increasingly evident and exposed. People are becoming wise to the preposterous realities that Fox News dares to propose as being real. Even members of your own party are starting to cut their losses and run from the extreme right and its’ crippling hatred. The three of you have done nothing but blocked President Obama at every turn. McConnell you stood in front of a microphone and admitted such childish behavior! Cantor you stormed out of the room when Boehner even suggested a concession to the Obama administration. If you were all back in kindergarten you would be called out for antisocial behavior. It’s quite an outrage that you were elected to serve the public.

Changes are coming. The truth is now on the table for everyone to see. The channels of communication are open. The young people are listening. They need education to compete in an increasingly technical world with reliance on engineering and science. Education will help this country to compete and succeed in what will be an exciting and challenging future. Health care and education should be fundamental rights that are affordable to every American. If government is broken and not working it is the right of the people in a democracy to change it. McConnell, Cantor and Boehner like three intractable louts, you need to get out of the way.

“The keystone of successful business is cooperation. Friction retards progress.”— James Cash Penney

“If the administration wants cooperation, it will have to begin to move in our direction.”— Mitch McConnell

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween
Here’s a pic from Charlotte today and DNC protesters

Corporations are NOT people!

A Divided House; A Leaking Roof and A Crumbling Facade

The Government of the United States is broken. Days into the Republican National Convention it becomes crystal clear that the two outspoken factions of our Government can no longer communicate in a civil and courteous manner. The rehearsed rhetoric thus far displayed by the Republicans, the party of the rich, shows us nothing but vitriol and blame. The Founding Fathers certainly expected heated discourse between two parties but at least it was discourse. The parties listened to each other. This civility and respect is now a thing of the past. Now the speeches call upon feelings of animosity and division.

Ironically the Capitol is currently in serious disrepair. The roof is now leaking and the facade is crumbling dangerously. The Senate and the House are not surprisingly unable to agree on the  procurement necessary to repair this damage. This should not be a partisan issue. The building should be a lasting symbol of the history of this once great and democratic country. Shame on these so called public servants who have been so bribed by the oligarchy that they cannot even agree on getting the leak in the roof fixed. How symbolic that this is happening at a time of such vitriol and division. The very building that houses our legislature and appears on the currency of the Nation is crumbling and eroding away as does our values, virtues and ability to compromise let alone communicate.

There comes a time when the very people that we elected to bring about civilization and prosperity must redirect their energy do do just that! For too many years now they have been wined, dined and swayed to be the gigolos of the lobbyists and special interests. For too long the needs of the general populous and the environment have been ignored. The conscience of the country has been mislead, diverted and perverted by outright lies! Right now we are experiencing ad after ad of outright lies! People please hear the truth don’t be swayed by the oligarchy. Big oil is concerned with nothing but profits. The plight of the common man is ignored. Young men die to defend oil fields. The so called rich don’t even want to either fight themselves or even pay for the wars they start! The cowards would rather blame the current President for the huge deficits. Not the wars and the tax cuts that George W. put into place. Their puppets and gigolo friends are in place to carry on their deception. Don’t let your vote be purchased. Defend liberty and defend the planet!

“Words will not be able to ever express how sorry I am for this, and I have profound regret and sorrow for the multitude of mistakes and harm I have caused.” — Jack Abramoff

“If I read the articles about me, and I didn’t know me, I would think I was Satan.” — Jack Abramoff

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Kick Boehner’s Can Down the Road!

Once again the federal debt ceiling is up for debate. House Speaker John Boehner states: “The American people think we’re crazy.” That is quite correct Mr. Speaker. You absolutely have that statement correct. Of all the times you have falsely claimed to be in tune with what the American public wants and been completely out of touch this time you have it right. The American public is sick and tired of you and your cohorts windbag rhetoric. Your do nothing politics arguing about how to spin gold out of straw or medicare or food stamps is dreadful and punishes the people you should be striving to help as the public servant that you claim to be.

For once it would be merciful to see you and your band of idiots do the right thing. Tell Eric Cantor and Mitch McConnell to get their giant heads out of their asses and follow suit. Here is what needs to be done: You must let the Bush tax cuts expire! Trickle down economics have absolutely no basis in reality. The theory simply does not work. George Bush Sr. himself admitted to that calling them: “Voodoo Economics”! Next you must trim the defense budget. That will not leave the nation defenseless mind you just trim the bogus operations like the F-22 Raptor boondoggle that wasted millions on a plane that is unsafe at any speed. Just those two simple steps would help this country immensely. There would be no need to stop helping the people who elected you for God’s sake! The same people who need help the most!

Crazy to think that the people you do help are the one percenters! Yes the people who never fight in the war. Time and again we have heard you say that: “The American public have spoken” well then isn’t it time you actually heard us and did something constructive? Get off of the golf course, take the cigarette out of your mouth and do what’s right. It’s as simple as that. Make the rich pay for their protection like everyone else. The idea that the budget deficit will ever be solved by cutting every good program that has the potential to move this country forward is not only greedy Mr. Boehner, it is evil!

“Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.” – P.J. O’Rourke

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween