SCOTUS Trips Then Flips; Paula Deen Comes Afro Clean; What the Frack?!

Oyez oyez oyez the Supreme Court of the United States predominantly made up of angry old men lawyers has jilted many citizens this past few days with some interesting and volatile decisions sure to confuse some of the resident zombies in this fair land. Firstly a decision was made to eliminate the Voting Rights Act! Just think, prejudice has been vanquished! Gerrymandering and redistricting are no longer an issue we need to pay any attention to! Let the hatemongers do as they may it’s just a matter of time until their sons and daughters are marrying outside the Klan! It’s out of our hands, this is our last stand!

Secondly the Defense of Marriage Act was voted to be unconstitutional. Hail Mary! This sure made quite a few Christian zombies upset. How interesting this decision is juxtaposed against the aforementioned vote! Maybe now people can actually begin to be comfortable about their sexuality and there will be no societal stigma attached to their own personal way of life. Certainly the confused and conflicted will continue to be just that,  however,  this is a landmark decision in the right direction for the advancement of human kind!

Paula Deen comes afro clean! Ah the pitiful revelation of a butter slinging television “chef” that she used a hateful term for another race thirty years ago and now repents. Perhaps the media has judged her too harshly. No, it is quite evident that she has judged and convicted herself. She has caused her own demise and toppled herself from her gastric throne of high calorie dishes. Her public relations firm, Butter, Cupcakes and Tears has failed bitterly in it’s attempt to buoy her reputation as well as retain her sponsors. She should have hired Anthony Bourdain as her lawyer and her public relations person and she might have been better off. But there is a sliver lining! Her cookbooks are now flying out of the Amazon warehouse! Apparently butter can still lubricate the tightest of situations!

Speaking of lubrication, oil man who? It appears that we keep getting oil men in the White House! We went from George W. Bush who was a very obvious oil man and friend of the Saud to Barack Obama who seems to lean with the oil companies whether the majority likes it or not! In his speech Tuesday he avoided saying outright that he opposes the Keystone XL pipeline. Instead saying that he would not approve it if it is shown to affect climate change! Say what?! Sounds like the old “we need more studies” bull excrement that we’ve been hearing for years. Yes Mr. President fossil fuel will affect climate change in a deleterious way. Period. End of story!

All that hot air brings us to this gas. If you think fracking is safe think again. The oil companies are doing everything in their power to convince us that this is a safe fuel source and what a bedazzling public relations extravaganza they have constructed. We now have a “fracosauras” by the name of “Talisman Terry” extolling the “clean” and widely available energy source of natural gas. It would be better to have Ronald McDonald trying to convince cows that eating beef was in their best interest! If we can sell it to the kids the adults will follow suit right?! What the frack!?

“I is what I is” — Paula Deen

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

The War on Christmas; If Beck was King; Christmas and Taxes

All hail there is a war on Christmas according to the Fox holes on Fox News. There are entire towns proclaiming bans on Nativity scenes on public property. People there is a simple way around these restrictions on mixing church and state. Simply proclaim that the scenes are in honor of the “Baby Jones”. Most people have long forgotten Jesus’ twin brother Baby Jones. He was not affiliated with any church. He was visited by the three magi who played the cosmic jazz. He was fond of the food of heaven, the holy pancake cooked by the blessed Saint Jemima. Later when he grew up he became a Rastafarian and moved to Ethiopia to found the Cosmic Church! That’s free speech now. It’s just the Baby Jones man. Now on to King Beck of Boobland!

Imagine if you will a world where Glenn Beck was chief of the tribe. Let us quote from the holy book of Beck: “The most used phrase in my administration if I were to be president would be–‘What the hell you mean we’re out of missiles?’.” We would be living in a post apocalypse world. Wow sounds like beyond Thunderdome! Glenn would be the Master Blaster. It might take a nut like Mel Gibson to get back on the good foot and defeat the crazy Glenn Beck. Now there must be a problem when Mel Gibson is considered to be saner than Glenn Beck. If you are so crazy in your exhortations of lunatic histrionics that the Fox holes at Fox News reject you maybe you need your very own network. Maybe you need your own asteroid!

Now you simply can’t declare two wars and cut taxes. That is basic economics 101. Now it’s left to the sane people to clean up the crazy mess that Bushonomics left us in. Merry Christmas, here is the war, it’s a war on sanity in the legislative branch of the United States. Get real Congress. Somebody has to pay for the wars. Why does the burden always seem to go to the little guy? The person who takes great responsibility for their life and their family and who barely scrapes by every week? The person who goes over there to fight these terrible battles!? This unfounded capitalist greed must evolve and change for the better or it will surely be the death of Christmas and eventually the death of us all.

“I am a conservative, but I am not a zombie.” — Glenn Beck

“Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone.” — John Maynard Keynes

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Thanksgiving Stew Washington Style

What a new mess was cooking this past week in D.C. right before a welcome thanksgiving break. We’ve got Republicans sizzling up a serving of dyspepsia over the incident in Benghazi. Can you imagine they have to treat President Obama like the sous chef who mishandled the entire incident and gave the media a bad case of the trots with some terrorist plot misinformation? Funny thing is they had the same exact ingredients he had and they cooked up the same dish. Blaming the chef seems to be the easy way out of this one. The irony is Senator McCain’s and Graham’s short memory. Seems like just yesterday when Chefs Veep Cheney and President Bush cooked up a whopper over weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. That gave many people grief, heartburn, a huge national deficit and in all seriousness many good people died over that tomfoolery. One just can’t cook with that kind of oil. It just isn’t edible at all.

Add to that rumors we have of a couple of Generals muddling over the stuffing of some birds. Must have been a difficult recipe if it took an apparent thirty thousand emails to explain. “All In” seems to be a strange title for a cookbook but then these birds demanded a different kind of stuffing. Tampa Bay and Centcom and a tush of MacDill Air Force base is sure to spice up any dish. This dish is sure to simmer for quite some time. Probably won’t be near ready by the time turkey day rolls around. But surely it will be a turkey. Not surprising this type of dilemma would arise. Generals do worry about their privates and rightfully so. Let’s just hope that the giblets weren’t left out so long that they spoiled.

As far as Christmas is concerned the pudding pot is due to boil over on December 31 of this year. If that deaf dumb and blind cook, Senator McConnell has his way the pot might just explode. Why anyone ever ate at his restaurant to begin with is quite a mystery. As a cook he has absolutely no imagination whatsoever. Its grits, more grits and business as usual. The same bland food day after day and year after year, served up with a dose of hate and rancid butter. This intractable cook just can’t seem to get it through his diminutive mind or palette that a different dish might be in order and quick! This is what happens when a cook doesn’t even call their own shots. They live in a bland world of tasteless choices. Let us hope that Representative John Boehner can convince old Mitch to stick a sausage or two into his dish before the whole pot explodes! Stay tuned for the suspenseful conclusion of this pot of boiling fat.

“Damned Beaver/Jeremy is the War, he is every assertion the fucking War has ever made–that we are meant for work and government, for austerity: and these shall take priority over love, dreams, the spirit, the senses and the other second-class trivia that are found among the idle and mindless hours of the day….Damn them, they are wrong. They are insane.”— Thomas Pynchon, “Gravity’s Rainbow”

“My Mother gave me a real kick toward cooking, which was that if I wanted to eat, I’d better know how to do it myself.” — Daniel Craig aka James Bond

“Romney says Obama won because he promised his base ‘extraordinary gifts’. But what about the gifts the GOP gives to the rich every time they get elected? Like the crazy tax cuts President Bush gave while starting 2 wars?” –
— Jake Shween

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Government, Insurance and Socialism

What do those three words conjure up for you? Visions of big government peering over your shoulder and raiding your still? Insurance payments due so you can go see a doctor without taking an ambulance from your apartment to the emergency room? A return to the horrific days of Mussolini, Hitler and fascist dictatorships that are perverse versions of socialist states? Sadly in many cases of modern Grand Old Party propaganda that is the exact image they want you to think of. They seek to use scare tactics to keep the oligarchy (read oil consortium) in place. Rule by the privileged few who can afford to buy the government representatives aka puppets they need to keep themselves in power.

In less than one week the people of the United States of America must make a crucially important decision. Will we follow a puppet who professes disdain for half of this country or will we embrace a straight shooting visionary with the courage to stand up to the military industrial complex? This past week gave us further reason to embrace the latter. Most people don’t want big government to interfere with their lives that is unless they are faced with a natural disaster that is so gigantic that they themselves nor their cities or states have the resources or the funding to pay for disaster relief. Think on it now. What constitutes that relief? Why it’s simply a bit of “Government Insurance” paid for by our collected taxes in what the naysayers would define as a system of Socialism!

What a concept that we would need help! But the cold hard fact is we do!. Every day we need help to survive Every day think of all the things you have learned from past generations, teachers and the like. Even if you spend days in isolation you still must depend on the knowledge you have acquired from others to survive. If you are faced with a natural disaster, a cataclysmic event that destroys everything you know and love, the need for a socialist structure of aid and recovery becomes a life giving necessity. Call it a form of Government Insurance. Think of it next time you pay your taxes. Think of it when you pull the lever or press on the screen to elect the President of the United States for the next four years!

“The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.” — Winston Churchill

“We either need to redefine socialism and the negative connotations it importunes or replace it with a better ideal such as egalitarianism.” — Jake Shween

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Oh Romneyo, Romneyo, Wherefore Art Thou Romneyo?

It looks like this week that the Romney Campaign is in dire need of ambulatory care. This constant state of denial of reality and facts leave no other choice for himself, his deeply troubled laissez faire running mate, one Paul Ryan, and his demented staff assisting him in his pitiable run for the Presidency. Perhaps with some professional consultation we can get to the root of his constant need to avoid reality including his aversion to forty seven percent of the population of the United States. Consider his quote from Sixty Minutes on Health Care: “Well, we do provide care for people who don’t have insurance, people — we — if someone has a heart attack, they don’t sit in their apartment and — and die. We — we pick them up in an ambulance, and take them to the hospital, and give them care. And different states have different ways of providing for that care.”

Wow he needs assistance from a qualified health professional consultant. Any emergency room Doctor and their staff know that this is not the solution to the health care crisis. Preventive medicine is cheaper by far. The ambulance bill alone will be in the thousands of dollars. What about the poor woman who is single and raising a child with no health care who ends up in the emergency room at three am for help. This is Romney’s health care solution?

Does he have any idea what reality is for most of the human race? The answer is a resounding no. He reminds us of this again and again. What has become of the Republican Party as of late? It seems to have become a puppet arm of the fossil fuel consortium. The delusion continues. Evolution has been called into question. This is most interesting because where do the fossil fuel enthusiasts think all the damn FOSSIL fuel came from to begin with?

Now think of truly helping the middle class. Health care and education freely available to everyone. Clean air to breath and clean lakes and streams. Give tax breaks to clean energy companies and stop subsidizing the fossil fuel consortium. Face the fact that the easy oil to drill is gone, the easy coal to mine is gone (it should be noted here that coal burning is what causes acid rain and mercury contamination of lakes and streams), fracking for natural gas is an impractical, dangerous process and any use of these fossil fuels in the production of energy causes vast amounts of carbon dioxide to enter the atmosphere and contributes to the crisis of global warming! The Republican Party has to stop lying to the people that increased use and exploration for these dirty fuel sources will solve anything except putting more money in the pockets of the fossil fuel consortium.

“Trickle down economics is the most ridiculous economic plan. The only thing running downhill is excrement!” — Jake Shween

“Mitt Romney has more opinions than the five headed Monkey God!”—Martin Bashir

“The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.” — Dr. Carl Jung

Get off the cell phone and drive! — Jake Shween

Elitism; the Snobbery of Riches; the Delusions of Faith

Don’t you just love those people who truly believe that they are better than every body else? Those chosen few who mark themselves above the masses. They look down on the poor folk who need help. Those pitiful masses tired and poor, yearning to breath free will find no quarter amongst the elite snobs. All they crave is a  hand out any way. Why should a country that is a haven for the rich provide for such miscreants? How can we care about such fools that won’t even take responsibility for their very own lives? Why none of them have even heard of our illustrious God who has so thoroughly blessed us.

What a country we have created. We have a daring and old book that proclaims that those we disagree with we should smite. Rule upon tenet is laid out and every sin imaginable is covered if you have the gift of discernment. Gather around and your sins will be forgiven. There is enough delusion here that we can rule the world and smash in the heads of any society that would disdain and doubt our ancient and bloodthirsty God. Let us scream his name every Sunday and rally our delusional masses to do our murderous bidding. Never mind! We are better than they! Our God tells us so! No need for the Necromancer! We have a rich prophet. He is rich and he is on television and he claims he cares for us and he claims he speaks the truth so isn’t that enough?

Oh no, wait a minute! You mean that rich bastard is a liar? He doesn’t really care for us at all? He has faith in a God, our God he claims as his own? Strange, cruel and ancient religion —show us that it isn’t so. It cannot be. Our God never lies and He is so damn pure! What’s that you say? He was married? That’s a lie! Our God was never married. He was too busy smiting our enemies. Now we’re confused. Better turn on Fox News. They’ll set us straight. They never lie to us. Look who owns them, Rupert Murdoch! Why as pure a man never walked the earth! Damn this reality, change the channel. Put on: Who Wants to be a Millionaire and restore our faith in the American Dream. There there now that’s better.

“Sandwiches were invented by the Earl of Sandwich, popcorn was invented by the Earl of Popcorn, and salad dressing by the Oil of Vinegar.” — Tom Robbins from Still Life With Woodpecker

“So nowadays hard-minded men with hard muscles and hard hats are relieved from their jobs on Sundays because of an archetypal psychological response to menstruation.” — Tom Robbins from Still Life With Woodpecker

New Colossus by Emma Lazarus from the Statue of Liberty:

“Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Bullies Should Not Be Rewarded

If you have never had the experience of being chased or taunted by a bully consider yourself fortunate. The terror of walking down the hall in high school and being grabbed from behind and thrown into the boys room for a game of mum’s the word is something you will never forget. Maybe you spoke funny, perhaps your hair was long compared to the norm or your shoes were out of date, your glasses were as thick as coke bottles, who knows? Who knows what made the bully and his gang so hostile and what gave them such a superior air? Could it be the fact that they came from the wealthy side of town and you were from the other side? No matter because suddenly there you were, alone, surrounded by troglodytes led by a fiend landing numerous punches all over you and if you made so much as a peep they punched you even harder. Thus the name of the game: Mum is the word. No you will never forget such an experience.

Imagine now this same bully running a management company. Perhaps his management consulting company does very well and makes tons of money. He leads ruthlessly with his clever band of financial pirates and vacuums up smaller companies. He promises their upper management golden parachutes while he runs the regular employees into the ground. He creates impossible debt for these companies while promising them the world. Oh well, didn’t work? Credit run out? No problem just burn it to the ground. Best of all is everything is legal. Heck he can even hide his profits through tax loopholes and numerous incentives to keep his money offshore. Create wealth? No this bully just takes it.

Several more years down the road and this certain bully is now running for the most powerful job in the world. He is using the same tactics that he has used all his life. Remember now this is the guy who used to lie to the principals face without batting an eye. The guy who could cheat, lie and beat up innocent people without suffering any consequences. His idea of diplomacy is the mobs’ idea of negotiating. Punch first and ask questions later. There is no way the United States needs a guy like this sitting in the White House! Surely he would run this country into the ground and take the environment with him. He would also take care of all his wealthy friends by continuing to give them tax cuts while the middle class and poor bleed to death. Any credibility the United States has with the rest of the world would be destroyed by his simplistic and bullying tactics. Fellow Americans: Bullies Should Not Be Rewarded!

“The trust of the innocent is the liar’s most useful tool” — Stephen King

“The place where you made your stand never mattered. Only that you were there… and still on your feet.” — Stephen King

Get off your cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween