Tag Archives: Mitt Romney

Green Shween

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The news is good. The caveat is that action is required immediately. It is certainly a very exciting time to be alive. All the resources of the United States must be directed to the green revolution. We have no time for naysayers. To deny global warming is quite simply ignorant. It is just as ridiculous to deny evolution. But rather than argue about superficial notions we need to get going on a green initiative and set an example for the rest of the world.

It is truly time for the people who are pro life to prove it. Prove it by preserving the earth for the future generations of life. Put your money where your mouths are. Admit that burning coal and oil is not the solution. Renewable sources of energy are the only solution. Massive green projects are needed nationwide. All our resources should be directed towards green initiatives. Buildings need to be retrofit to be energy efficient. Stop mining coal or drilling oil and start reeducating people for careers to retool the country. We can’t afford to listen to the lobbyists any longer. Throw the lobbyists out of the capital. We need lawmakers to do what they’re supposed to do and serve the public!

The new age of communication should be bringing us closer and making us smarter, not tearing us apart and dumbing us down. Stop wasting time and massive amounts of money on hollow rhetoric for the delusional power mongers. People are sick and tired of being lied to. The military industrial complex must shed its skin and transform into a project of renewal, preservation and transformation. We need to tax carbon dioxide emissions. It should not be profitable to further pollute the atmosphere. Make it profitable to be green. Save the earth. Aren’t the fires and the drought enough to convince you that something needs to change?

“Beware the Corporate Democrats their bite is as bad as the Bandersnatch! Their nose grows long, their snout is huge, they fill you with their subterfuge. Better to shun a Republican at least you know where they’re coming from.” — Jake Shween

“Batten down the hatches and if they’re battened down already, batten ’em down again!” — Bugs Bunny

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

 

The Lost Boys Run; The Wooden Dummy and The Rhinestone Cowboy

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The Game is officially begun and the contestants have been announced. We now have established a Republican ticket for the ages. Please be prepared for some of the lowest intellectual levels of political advertising and discourse this country has ever seen. We have the marvelous Wooden Dummy in the form of Willard Mitt Romney. Watch how he grins, grimaces waves his finger and retreats. If you thought Ronald Regan was a puppet for the right wing haters you ain’t seen nothing yet. God forbid this Republican buffoon should ever divulge his taxes. Rumor now has it that he committed a felony for which he was granted amnesty! What is really hiding in the returns he won’t divulge? Ooops! Sounds like a felony! Uh oh Hot Dog!

Enter our heroic vice presidential nominee the illustrious Rhinestone Cowboy, Paul Ryan the buccaneer budgeteer. Never mind that he once embraced the teachings of the avowed capitalist, atheist and feminist upstart Ayn Rand. Why this Rhinestone Cowboy even once claimed that her teachings were the very reason he chose politics as his career. He went so far as to require that every member of his staff read her capitalist manifesto: Atlas Shrugged. Of course this was much to the horror and chagrin of the God fearing Catholic Americans who he now embraces whole heartedly. Sadly they no longer seem to embrace him at all. Will the genuine Rhinestone Cowboy please stand up? Perhaps not, it seems he is duplicitous at best. Smoking Joe Biden is more interesting. At least he shoots from the hip and says what he’s thinking.

This should make for some delightful debates both presidential and vice presidential. God willing the debates will advance the level of rhetoric beyond uttering falsehoods and distortions of reality. Watch as each side retreats to their corners to consult the cut man before the bell rings. Notice that certain constituents on both sides have suddenly gotten very quiet. Is there a smoking gun that at the last moment will bring down the Wooden Dummy? Time will tell and meantime enjoy the show. McCain and Palin were just the warm up act for the Wooden Dummy and the Rhinestone Cowboy.

“Where hustle’s the name of the game
And nice guys get washed away like the snow and the rain
There’s been a load of compromisin’
On the road to my horizon
But I’m gonna be where the lights are shinin’ on me” — from the song: Rhinestone Cowboy written by Larry Weiss

“It’s not the way he says it, it’s what he said, but what can you say with a wooden head? Whether the time is cloudy or the time is sunny it’s always time for Jimmy the talking dummy” — from the song: Jukie’s Ball by Dan Hicks

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

A Warm Dick, A Cold Bush and Romney’s Secret Heart

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Never seem to run out of material on the GOP hot dog Sir Romney of Mitt. Apparently he has a secret heart which he wishes to share with the NAACP. It was so delightful to see him actually spill out his plan to save African Americans from their plight. What a genuine and sincere man. Why I bet he’s even going to reveal his secret holdings in Bermuda to prove his sincerity. After all wasn’t he very swift in admitting that his health care plan he instituted when he was Governor of Massachusetts is the EXACT same plan that Barrack Obama put into place? We should never doubt the secret heart of this paladin, this superb example of pulchritude and luminosity.

Gosh how carefully and cleverly he has distanced himself from ex-President George W. Bush! What a clever manoeuvre to stay far away from the former GOP President who was losing jobs at the rate of 750,000 per month when he left office! Oh My! The very man who brought us into two wars, gave the rich huge tax cuts and fled during a banking crisis leaving the entire mess for the next guy to clean up! But wait he did actually endorse Sir Romney of Mitt! George said: “I’m for Mitt Romney”, as the elevator doors were closing on him. How symbolic and strangely appropriate. Sounds like a cold Bush!

Now Dick Cheney is opening his doors to Sir Romney of Mitt. Dick is warming up and hosting a reception at the Teton Pines country club in Wyoming. Big GOP rainmakers are sure to be in attendance. Later they will attend a dinner in Dick’s home in Wilson Wyoming. Maybe Dick can school him on how to be less charming and more of a Dick! This might help when the U.S. is negotiating on sensitive issues with foreign dignitaries and Sir Romney of Mitt is wielding the scepter. Maybe this is the obvious solution. Romney has a secret heart which calls for more Dick and less Bush. The bumper sticker would be awesome!

“Politics is the entertainment branch of Industry.” — Frank Zappa

“PETA is not happy that my dog likes Fresh Air.” — Willard Mitt Romney

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Rupert’s Folly; Newt Bites It

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Looks like the end of Rupert Murdoch’s reign as the head of the News Corporation. According to the parliamentary committee in London he is “not fit to exercise the stewardship of a major international company”. This calls to question: will this affect the credibility of his news operation here in America? That remains to be seen. His current cast of bozos seem to be in denial. Perhaps they all actually believe in their own twisted perceptions of reality. It would be bombastic if any of them could admit to the fact that their boss is a bully and no better than a mob boss. Even a pirate has more conscience than a man who would freely let his underlings hack phone lines and then deny any knowledge of their behavior. Oh how the mighty fall!

Not that long ago in March of 1985 Rupert embarked on his plan to establish a new network in the United States. His plan was bold and quite unconventional. Many naysayers thought that the network was doomed from the start with it’s assortment of untested shows that first aired in October of 1986. Many of those early shows met a quick demise but some survived as Rupert was not afraid to spend the money to keep talent. In October of 1996 he set his sites on a 24 hour cable news network. Almost immediately he resorted to tabloid journalism. The Fox News Channel now consists of loud mouth imbeciles who sadly spew doctrines of hatred and division endlessly. Sad that anyone in their right mind would subscribe to such blabbering which seems beyond right wing. In fact the opinions expressed on Fox News border on and fall into the fantasies of what you might call the lunatic fringe. What will Rupert’s next quest be? Well at 81 perhaps there is an opening for him as a consultant to Mitt Romney. Antique thinking seems to be the case for the GOP who want to return us to a pathetic bunch of brain bashing Luddites while they escape with all of our hard earned cash to their sterile fortresses.

Oh Newt how big you once talked! Now it looks like its back to the scum filled pond you crawled out of. (Sad that you share a name with a noble member of the amphibian species.) You will have to support Romney now! You said such nice things about him. It’s like you two guys could not get enough of each other. Don’t worry Newt! At 68 you can always hook up with Rupert Murdoch. Maybe you two can become the new Laurel and Hardy of the Fox News corporation. Now that would be a show we could all enjoy! The Newt and Rupert Comedy Hour exclusively on Fox News Channel. Has a nice ring to it. You could do a live broadcast every night of the week and compare notes and crazy rantings! Good luck Newt! We will miss your gay stay puffed marshmallow head spouting vague references to ill conceived notions and mean spirited but well meaning diatribes! Don’t forget to give Romney a big wet kiss as you depart!

“The Big Show is inside my head!” — Kurt Vonnegut

“I don’t care what you say about me, just spell my name right.”— P.T. Barnum

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

G.O.P.; Genuflect or Perish

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Welcome to the brave new world of 2012 politics. We have established a new party. It is no longer the Republican Party. It is the party of the one percent; The Genuflect or Perish Party! This party cleverly uses the weapons of mass stupidity at their disposal. Fox News leads the charge of this blatant misinformation. It seems that every day they wonderfully spin and skewer the facts to mislead people into believing that the GOP has a valid plan to bring our country back to growth and prosperity. Sean Hannity recently said that people can survive cheaply on beans and rice! He even suggested that we might throw some “cheap meat” in the pot! Pink slime is the answer. Its cheap and has ammonia in it. Ammonia is spelled with two m’s. Must mean mmm this is good.

Mitt Romney stated in brief that the rich should be given congratulations on their wealth. Genuflections are just around the corner. Prepare the masses to eat beans and rice and wait for their trickle down handouts from the rich. Not even food stamps are safe in the newly proposed Paul Ryan budget. Why should we care if people are hungry? If they aren’t rich isn’t it their own fault? Wait just a minute. Didn’t we all play the game of Monopoly as children? Remember how that game would end? Sooner or later someone would own Boardwalk and Park Place and everyone else would pay. This is where our economy stands at this very moment. The rich are in place and are desperately trying to retain control of the media and the masses. The internet and the new age of communication are their worst enemies. It is easy to see why they want to quash education by making it exclusively available to their elitist cabal. Education for the few and privileged only. No lower caste members need apply!

We like to say that America is the “greatest country in the world”. This description is thrown around all the time. If we don’t believe it we are not American. Unfortunately this generalization is outdated. Do we really need to indulge our sense of nationalism to preserve our currently stagnating system of government? Perhaps instead of the “greatest country in the world” we would be wiser to aim for “the most educated country in the world”. This would certainly hep us maintain our cutting edge technologies in the emerging multinational civilization we are embracing. To not fund education, promote its value and preserve the inspiration it provides would be to throw our country into back to prerevolutionary time where we all work as indentured servants for the benefit of the few.

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” — George Santayana

“Fifty percent of people won’t vote, and fifty percent don’t read newspapers. I hope it’s the same fifty percent.” — Gore Vidal

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

 

 

Several Oligarchies I Would Like to See!

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Well it’s been another fruit filled week of campaigning for our dear Republican candidates. While I ruminate over their collective fodder I feel the need  to expurgate with the following suggestions.

Why don’t we establish three separate oligarchies? There the candidates can rule supreme and pander to their respective minions.

One – Santoria: This could be a magical serfdom where there are no colleges or universities. All women would live like they did in centuries past in a patriarchal society.  There would be no need for a higher education as all we would need would be the pearls of wisdom that proceeded from the holy lips of our faithful evangelical pope the inimitable Richard John Santorum. Such joyful facts as: “Satan has his sights on the United States of America”.  The people could arm themselves accordingly. Rick Santorum would be the figurehead of this despotic society, he would be the puppet of an energy executive. True control would belong of course to his benefactor, the infallible William J. Dore. He would call the shots from his Louisiana stronghold. They could declare war on the environment and destroy everything waiting in vain for God to give them a new earth!

Two – Romnia: A wonderful country where King Willard of Mitt presides forever! It would be everyone’s task to make sure that all the trees were the correct height. Only cars that he liked would be allowed. His beloved wife, Queen Ann of Davies would have a fleet of Cadillacs. It is quite an irony that someone he despises saved General Motors the auto company that makes the very car his queen drives! All his subjects would also be required to flip flop at the drop of a hat and say anything to get noticed. His robotic style would be revered. Wall street greed would be the credo. Royal subjects would everyday strap their dogs to the roofs of their cars and speed up and down the interstate so they can get fresh air, to hell with walking them! They can defecate on the fly! PETA would be changed to: Pundits for the Egotistical Treatment of Aristocrats!

Three – Gingrinch: A fantastical world were the moon would be populated! We could shift the entire planet! There would be no need for anyone to think any more as the entire population would be controlled by a giant head encased in a bath of saline and micro-nutrients. The giant head would supply everyone’s desires. Hypocrisy would be the new religion and stupidity the role of every man, woman and child. Defy the giant head at your own peril! Periodically stem cells could be generated from his head so that his numerous wives could be impregnated. If they are not pretty enough they shall be terminated. Child labor would be reinstated. The children would slave to run the giant casinos that would operate under the auspices of the real ruler Sheldon Adelson. They would serve drinks and scrape the puke off the bathroom walls while the adults put all their savings into the slot machines!

Now where would we put these oligarchical kingdoms? If we melt Antarctica and divide it into two fiefdoms that takes care of Romnia and Santoria. Gingrinch could be a giant casino town on the moon. Now of course this is not written in stone. Dear reader if you have a suggestion it is welcome!

“History is a Nightmare from which I am trying to awaken!” –  James Joyce

Get off the cell phone and DRIVE!  —Jake Shween