Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Stealthy Killers Hidden in Our Homes; The Pestilence of Pussies

Posted on by
1

Recently a study was instituted about the killing ability of the domestic house cat. Thank goodness a study was instituted. Lord knows we never have enough instituted studies to explore the dark depths of domesticity. Not only did this study consider local surveys and pilot studies according to the New York Times it also was expanded upon by the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in conjunction with the Fish and Wildlife Service. It turns out that many of us are harboring domestic death traps that masquerade as affectionate furry, purring companions but who are really terrorists to the defenseless birds and small mammals who would like to just enjoy their liberty like everyone else.

Billions, yes billions of small innocent mammals and birds are assassinated every year according to the estimates of this recent study. Is this possibly the fault of the cat apparently descended from felines who once roamed the African savannah surviving gracefully on whatever moved that was smaller than they were and evolved over the course of thousands of years into the fur ball curled up on the couch in the parlor? No it’s simply what they do to survive, an instinct purely genetic in origin. The guilt actually lies with the humans who are slowly but surely multiplying and now occupying areas of the earth in which they where never found before and with a constancy belaboring the earth. The blame is clearly the fault of the owners of these bloodthirsty killing machines.

The solution is up for debate. Obviously we need more studies. The dark depths of domesticity have just begun to be explored. We should immediately set aside huge sums of money to see if we can possibly subvert this perfectly evolved killing machine and creator of terrorism in the animal kingdom. Don’t let your cat out of the bag! It may have blood on it’s paws! Perhaps while we are commissioning this study to help small mammals survive we might do well to consider the future difficulties facing their larger cousins. Before it’s too late!

“Did Saint Francis preach to the birds? Whatever for? If he really liked birds he would have done better to preach to the cats.” — Rebecca West
image

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

“Catfish Republicans” in the “Dark Vein” of Muddy Water

Posted on by
Reply

Recently we have seen the rise of a new breed of Republicans. They are clearly out of their league and are quite obviously bottom feeders, spurred on by the rank and bulbous Rush Limbaugh a man known to feed on stink bait normally used to hook Missouri catfish. So caught up in their own realities and afraid to ever admit the error of their ways they continue to waste the taxpayers money every single day. Not unlike the Notre Dame football player Manti Te’o who claims to have been spoofed by a fake internet girlfriend these Republicans are spoofed by selective perception and their avarice, greedily feeding on morsels found in the dark recesses of human nature.

Shunning the more important issues facing the nation they made it a point to grill the Secretary of State Hillary Clinton today in her testimony before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. This is par for the course in our sad Senate lately as closing the barn door after the horses have run off is their stupid solution for just about everything. You don’t have to have a degree in Political Science to see these boobs just stall for time and point a finger to justify their blatant hatred for those more adept at diplomatic situations than they themselves could ever hope to be. Bravo Senator Ron Johnson Republican Senator from Wisconsin for proving just how downright rude and ill informed you can be. The only credit you deserve is your ability to convince the population that voted you into your position that you actually had something of value to bring to the table in Washington D.C.. Unfortunate for them your import is only further evidence that Colin Powell was correct in stating: “There is a dark vein of intolerance in this (Republican) party. They still sort of look down on the minority.”.

Where were all these ruthless fact finders during the decision to start a war in Iraq  proclaiming that Saddam Hussein was harboring Weapons of Mass Destruction? Where were you Senator John McCain Republican from Arizona? You stated Tuesday Senator McCain that: “It’s (Benghazi) been a cover up from the beginning.”. Why didn’t anyone consider having a National Security Council meeting as is procedure before starting the war in Iraq? How can a war be started based on a brief by Scooter Libby and not an actual intelligence assessment? The Iraq war cost in excess of three trillion dollars. Four thousand four hundred and eighty seven service members lost their lives, thirty two thousand two hundred and twenty six were wounded not including the psychological damages making the actual cost of this war inestimable as you cannot place a value on a human life! Outrageous to believe that the current breed of “Catfish Republicans” can continue to roil in the dark vein of muddy water and feed on the stink bait of their collective delusion!

https://i0.wp.com/peytonsfishingadventres.webs.com/photos/catfish.jpg

“It had all the earmarks of a CIA operation; the bomb killed everybody in the room except the intended target!” — William F. Buckley

“We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.” — Bill Maher

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Showdown at the NRA Corral

Posted on by
1

The time has come for the sane people of this country to take a stand against the violence that has intruded into our lives. We can no longer ignore the outbreaks of violence and death that occur every single day in this country of free thinkers. It is absolutely outrageous that the National Rifle Association can suggest that the solution to the violent deaths caused by firearms every day is by arming more people. An analogy to this would be like suggesting that the solution to stupidity is, by golly, more damn stupidity. Bravo NRA you have truly outworn your welcome.

What started as an honorable society to promote hunting, conservation of wildlife through population control as well as marksmanship has turned into a far right wing organization that defends the right of American citizens to own military killing machines. These are the assault weapons that have been center stage in our most recent spree of heinous and nightmarish murders. These are murders that made policemen and firemen, our fellow citizens that we have hired and have sworn to protect us, our most valiant breed of first responders, sick and horrified at the scenes of these crimes.  If we are truly a civilized country as we claim to be we shall stop right now and make drastic changes to these ridiculous gun laws that we have in place.

We have watched as the NRA has taken the interests of sportsmen and twisted them into the interests of right wing survivalists. Twisting the Second Amendment of the Constitution into a self serving violent clause when at the time it was written it was meant to prevent a possible British insurgency from retaking the country we fought so hard to free in the Revolutionary war. It is time for the saner of us to step up and tell these bad children to step down and admit that the solution is not more guns at all but to put an end to the dispersion and apparent hoarding of such killing devices into the hands of every schmoe who has legs to walk into a gun shop or gun show and slap money down and buy them.

The NRA in its despotic behavior has purchased venal Congressmen who have enacted legislation rendering the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms impotent to protect us by simply enforcing many of the gun laws that are currently on the books! We need to wake up and take action. We can cite the examples of how gun laws can and do work by comparing the United States to such countries as Japan and Great Britain where due to very strict gun law enforcement these crimes hardly occur. This is a problem whose time has come. Stand up and be counted!

“Mental bearing (calmness), not skill, is the sign of a matured samurai. A Samurai therefore should neither be pompous nor arrogant.” — Tsukahara Bokuden.

“Master the divine techniques of the Art of Peace and no enemy will dare to challenge you.” — Ueshiba

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

 

The Burning Man

Posted on by
Reply

Picture Taken 14 hours ago from the International Space Station of Australian Outback Fire

Billy Bondi sat on the stoop of his shack gazing into the Outback with his striking steel blue eyes. His face was weatherworn with deep wrinkles where days in the sun had long since taken their toll. His grizzled beard flickered in the breeze as he slowly shook his head with a look of consternation and worry. He sat in absolute silence. He listened with all his being. The boab tree in the distance barely moved in the scorching wind. Barely any of the trees still clung to life. A large beetle stuggled in the gravel in front of the stoop. Billy Bondi listened. The dadirri finally came to him. It came into focus and took shape. He once again had direction and purpose. After a long breath he stood. When he stood he could see the flat lands of the Northern Territory on fire. He turned and went back inside.

Fire was not new to these lands but Billy knew this was the final fire. He gathered up a tattered army backpack that he had roamed the outback with for years. He carefully placed his few belongings into it. A carving of the Wandjina, the creator, that his uncle had given him fifty years before was carefully placed into the sack. He put an old shirt and a pair of shorts and his other pair of shoes inside. He decided against carrying any food with him as it was not necessary for this journey, not this time. Billy picked up his walking stick and turned for the door.

He stopped in front of his government issued shack that had become decrepit years before. With his walking stick he began to draw in the sand. Patiently, carefully he drew several wavy lines one on top of the other, the shamanic symbol for fire or smoke. Next to that he drew a picture of several concentric circles which he finished with several radiating lines on each side much like the spokes of a wheel, the symbol of meeting place. It was a simple message to whomever might find it. The fire had compelled him to go to the meeting place. He was not meeting with humans this time however; he was meeting with the sky gods.

Billy stood up with and with a look of resolution secured the backpack to his person. He knelt down to make sure that the laces of his government boots were secure. He looked back at his home and appeared to wipe a tear off his eyes but perhaps it was just the sweat from his brow. He walked and walked on. Astonishingly Billy did not walk away from the fire, but directly towards it. Soon the buffering winds from the tremendous flames were making his journey even hotter. This did not hinder Billy Bondi. He walked and walked on. Now he began to cough as the purifying smoke reached towards him like the ghosts of many lost ancestors. He shrugged it off. The flames grew nearer. He did not stop or even break his stride practiced by many years of endless journeys. Soon he was stepping on embers. The smoke made him just a silhouette. He blended into the flame and disappeared…..

“The heat was remarkable. It was prolonged. That we beat the record by one degree is quite a big deal.” — Jake Crouch – Scientist with the National Climactic Data Center

“Yes poor insured homeowner, there is a Sandy Clause!” — Jake Shween

Get off the cell phone and drive! — Jake Shween

Christie Goes Rogue; Give ’em Hell Harry; Get Well Hillary

Posted on by
2

Somehow the disaster relief bill for hurricane Sandy did not qualify for a last minute vote in the House, a bill that had already passed in the Senate. Boehner struck again and cancelled the vote in retaliation after his two capos, Cantor and McCarthy refused to fall in line and vote in favor of the fiscal cliff deal. Political posturing has no place in times of desperate need. Look for quick changes in the line of succession as the new congress convenes. If the alleged Capo de tutti capi can’t control his lieutenants it’s time for a changing of the guard. Looks like the New Jersey Governor Chris Christie took stern notice of the lack of concern for his state. It’s quite obvious that the House mafia doesn’t realize how a “Jersey Boy” takes care of things when the family gets out of hand. Rumor has it that there is a plot in the meadow-lands already picked out for the old house speaker.

Meanwhile very quietly and under the wire the Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid was tirelessly at work today making many federal appointments with a solid majority and no debate today on the Senate floor. This was under the auspices of Republican Minority leader Mitch McConnell who had recently been in a standoff with Reid over the Fiscal Cliff negotiations. Enter Joe Biden with solid experience in negotiating with McConnell. Who can conjecture what actually went down but the result is Harry made many appointments with no objections whatsoever. Thank you Joe and Harry for doling out a little Hades when necessary.

The Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was released from hospital today! This lady is one of the most capable leaders on the planet. It was great to see her happy family with her as she was released. We all wish her a quick and strong recovery. The Democratic party has designs on her as the front runner in a 2016 bid as the parties’ nominee for president. But, who knows? 2016 is still a long way off. By then maybe Chris Christie will have flipped to the Democratic party! Maybe he can see the light and try to run an up and coming United States of America. After all he is in charge right now of the United States of Jersey — no small feat unto itself!

“The Government itself is like running the Sopranos and they sit back and they make deals. And they say okay, ‘I’m going to do this: France you’re going to get the pipelines.'” — George Clooney

“Individual commitment to a group effort – that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.” — Vince Lombardi

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Art Brings Us Close to the Eternal

Posted on by
Reply

Just when humanity brings you down again and you are at the edge of a cliff staring at an abyss. The storm has overtaken you and there seems to be no way out. Your most beloved has departed suddenly and for no rational reason. A work of art may pierce your soul. Art redeems the purpose of your existence. Art resucitates you. The breath of inspiration fills you once again.

Art is what differentiates us from the animals. Its’ very existence is unique to the human experience. Art makes us laugh and dream. Art has the power to make us cry and then inspire us to create. It can transport us and give us hope. When the world has gone mad we can find solace in it. We can escape into a painting perhaps. Lose our breath at the sight of a sculpture. Close our eyes and hear the sounds of heaven with songs that seem to come from the angels themselves. We might very well read ourselves into a fantastic saga of trial and redemption.

Art lifts our spirits bringing us close to the eternal. It is no small wonder that many of the worlds religions have directly inspired our most wondrous and precious art. In these days of terrrible tragedy and devastation let us remember the artists. Let each one honor the artist in themselves to lift us out of our dilemna or if more grieving is necessary to turn it into a remembrance of our shared humanity.

“The highest art is always the most religious, and the greatest artist is always a devout person.” — Abraham Lincoln

“The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.” — Freidrich Nietzsche

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Neuroscience and The Abyss

Posted on by
2

Is it possible that all the extrasensory electronic stimulation that as a post modernist society we are all increasingly exposed to are causing some members of the population to fall into a moral and mental abyss? Take the extremely disheartening and disturbing shootings that occurred this past week, which you are familiar with I am sure, and consider the fact that the perpetrator was at times consumed by a video game in which he vicariously killed other humans in a simulated combat game. It would appear and has been documented that such behavior leads to a form of hypoesthesia where an individual becomes desensitized to sensory stimuli to the point where the line between reality and fantasy becomes blurred. This leads directly to a form of deadly nihilism which completely replaces any fragments of feelings or moral code that remain in an already socially confused and alienated individual. As a society we need to be extremely aware of such dangers and the inherent ripple effect that violence has on ourselves and others.

Compare hypoethesia to its’ antonym a condition known as hyperthesia. This is a condition where the senses become heightened. A heightening of the senses as one was perhaps enjoying the wonders of nature. Would this not then logically lead to a form of empiricism? A state in which the very reason one would have to live would be the experience of such full and heightened awareness of touch and feelings? All the senses engaged at once instead of only the senses a video game could provide? Perhaps we should also be acutely aware of the lack of this state in so many of our lives. We have dangerously replaced nature with a poor facsimile. We should take care to recognize this shortcoming of humanities’ electronic creations and make concerted efforts to remedy the lack of nature in our lives. It has been shown that being outside in nature actually helps to lower ones blood pressure, all by itself. Certainly this wouldn’t work if one was being pursued by a wild animal.

This brings us to guns. Do human beings need guns to exist happily? Absolutely not. One of the beautiful advances of modern civilization is the very fact that one can exist peacefully without constant threat of death or pursuit of by wild animals as our ancestors had to endure. For the most part we can live in peace.  Sadly there are times when madmen seek to destroy this peace by blowing things up etc. Instead of emulating the violence that has occurred we should seek to sublimate such events. More video games that have less killing and more civilized behavior would be in order. We must learn to take care of each other lest we end up in a hell world of our very own creation.

“Maybe every other American movie shouldn’t be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence.”                   — Bill Maher

“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” — Isaac Asimov

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

The War on Christmas; If Beck was King; Christmas and Taxes

Posted on by
Reply

All hail there is a war on Christmas according to the Fox holes on Fox News. There are entire towns proclaiming bans on Nativity scenes on public property. People there is a simple way around these restrictions on mixing church and state. Simply proclaim that the scenes are in honor of the “Baby Jones”. Most people have long forgotten Jesus’ twin brother Baby Jones. He was not affiliated with any church. He was visited by the three magi who played the cosmic jazz. He was fond of the food of heaven, the holy pancake cooked by the blessed Saint Jemima. Later when he grew up he became a Rastafarian and moved to Ethiopia to found the Cosmic Church! That’s free speech now. It’s just the Baby Jones man. Now on to King Beck of Boobland!

Imagine if you will a world where Glenn Beck was chief of the tribe. Let us quote from the holy book of Beck: “The most used phrase in my administration if I were to be president would be–‘What the hell you mean we’re out of missiles?’.” We would be living in a post apocalypse world. Wow sounds like beyond Thunderdome! Glenn would be the Master Blaster. It might take a nut like Mel Gibson to get back on the good foot and defeat the crazy Glenn Beck. Now there must be a problem when Mel Gibson is considered to be saner than Glenn Beck. If you are so crazy in your exhortations of lunatic histrionics that the Fox holes at Fox News reject you maybe you need your very own network. Maybe you need your own asteroid!

Now you simply can’t declare two wars and cut taxes. That is basic economics 101. Now it’s left to the sane people to clean up the crazy mess that Bushonomics left us in. Merry Christmas, here is the war, it’s a war on sanity in the legislative branch of the United States. Get real Congress. Somebody has to pay for the wars. Why does the burden always seem to go to the little guy? The person who takes great responsibility for their life and their family and who barely scrapes by every week? The person who goes over there to fight these terrible battles!? This unfounded capitalist greed must evolve and change for the better or it will surely be the death of Christmas and eventually the death of us all.

“I am a conservative, but I am not a zombie.” — Glenn Beck

“Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone.” — John Maynard Keynes

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Costas Stands Tall; Bob Dole Rolls; Boehner is still well, a Boehner

Posted on by
2

Bob Costas stood tall on gun control this past week. First by quoting an article by Fox Sports Columnist Jason Whitlock at halftime on Sunday which stated: “If Jovan Belcher didn’t possess a gun, he and Kasandra Perkins would both be alive today.” On Tuesday he defended his remarks by appearing on NBC’s Last Word With Lawrence O’Donell. He spoke of the gun crazy society we now live in which supports a literal wild west mentality among certain segments of our society. Thank you Bob Costas for striking a nerve. It looks like you pissed off the fearless vitriol spewing Ted Nugent as well as a host of other gunpowder snorting lunatic fringe types! Bravo!

Speaking of the lunatic fringe, the bill supporting equal rights for handicapped people worldwide was shot down in the Senate on Tuesday. Despite the fact that the respectable former Senator Bob Dole appeared in his wheelchair and appealed for the ratification of this worldwide treatise. Perhaps if the treatise did not have the supposedly communist organization the United Nations attached to it it might have passed. Too bad that the powerful NRA had not put their stamp of approval on it. Not surprisingly former Pennsylvannia Senator Rick Santorum spoke publicly againt the treatise calling it: “A direct assualt on us.” Say no more Rick! Get Clancy and the boys and surround the barn!

Now back to the looming fiscal precipice. The fantastic chasm of doom into which we are about to plummet. Fret not it seems the plunge is imminent. The Grand Old Party refuses to budge and all Boehner’s best buds have come out to play. McConell is apparently laughing out loud devising a plan to use the debt limit to further reduce the country’s credit rating. Cantor is his usual nouveaux Virginia aristocracy self with his head so far up into his own arse he needs a proctologist to ever see daylight again. Boehner simply spray tans himself while he smokes and poses in front of a mirror practicing seventy different ways to say “no progress has been made” . We need a legislative branch of the government that does what we hire them to do. Not a bunch of out of touch puppets who rule at the pleasure of a select few. Tally Ho to the cliff we go! Maybe this is the real Tea Party! No representation without taxation!

“No representation without taxation!” — Jake Shween

“Never underestimate the power of the State to act out its’ own massive fantasies.” — Don DeLillo

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

The columnist expresses regret at the loss of Jovan Belcher and Kasandra Perkins. Our deepest sympathy and heartfelt condolences to the families of both these dearly departed people.

New Conversion Therapy Makes Republicans Gayer!

Posted on by
Reply

In a little reported discovery earlier this week doctors in Thailand have isolated a gene which if manipulated carefully by radiation therapy may result in a generation of gayer Republicans. Doctor Poon Tang of Twatyang Institute of Bangkok announced that for several years now his team had been working on a remedy for the typical constipated, small minded, anti-art Republican. After years of intensely secretive research on this particularly frustrating ailment, using primarily voluntary test subjects from various infected red states, areas known for their contamination, Doctor Tang and his team proclaimed satisfactory seminal results from the preliminary reparative therapy.

“We have isolated the ARTGAP1 gene and provided it with ample doses of healing sunshine from the premises of our happy domicile. In this extrusion we have exhibited such effects as are known to provide a well being for the healing process. After several treatments our exceedingly successful subjects have returned to their normal lives with renewed sense of health, vigor and enlightenment. We hope soon to expose this treatment to many more constipated republicans in the hope of causing the gridlock and cultural stink to end in the middle of our great friend country America.” Doctor Tang said through an interpreter.

Rumors are already circulating in Stockholm, Sweden that Doctor Poon Tang and the prestigious Twatyang institute may very well win this years Nobel Prize in medicine. This will be the first such award for a doctor from Thailand. Doctor Poon Tang and his staff announced that they would be thrilled to receive such an award. Doctor Poon Tang also graciously invited any small minded constipated Republicans who wish to seek his treatment free flights and room and board. Lucky participants will get an all expense paid trip to the luxurious Shangri-La Hotel located on the banks of the River of Kings just blocks from the Twatyang Institute. Treatment will be administered over the course of several weeks and entertainment is all included.

In the rare and strange event that this new miraculous treatment does not work; litigate not. There are many vacancies available working with old and crippled lawyers in the dark swampy jungles of nearby Laos.

“Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.” — Jerry Garcia

“Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” — Alan Watts

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween