Tag Archives: Rush Limbaugh

Hemp, Horsemeat & Tupac Rubio Da G

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Let’s grow hemp in Kentucky. We need a massive project immediately to make hemp the largest Kentucky cash crop. It’s way more drought and climate change resistant than corn. It is a totally viable new cash crop. It’s versatile fibers can be used for everything from denim to sheetrock. It has support from the Senate! Kentucky wonder Mitch McConnell has announced support for this agricultural panacea of a plant. Randal Howard Paul is sporting stylish white shirts manufactured from its fashionable fibers. No longer should we stop Woody Harrelson from sowing the seeds of cannabis. We can feed the leaves to all the wonderful horses in Kentucky. Instead of the Run for the Roses it can be the Dash for the Stash!

Speaking of horses they are now on the menu in many European countries masquerading as beef! Through various discreet channels butchers are grinding and slicing up many an old steed to feed their need for meaty treats. Scotland Yard is on the case and it’s not the Hound of the Baskervilles it’s the Old Ponies from Shetland! Imagine the look on your Romanian Uncle’s face when you explain to him that the kebab he’s enjoying is actually an old bony pony from Shropshire! At least in the United States we know where our pink slime comes from. Remember that no part of a steer is wasted in Texas. God forbid that in this great country we would try to misrepresent our fine meat products.

Which brings us to our Cuban Pork Sandwich, Tupac Rubio! Remarkable speech and rebuttal this G man gave last night to the State of the Union address. He was all up in there with the truth as he laid it out for his peeps by defending the need for gold and driving dirty. We need a guy with street cred like Rubio to put all those crackers back in place. Here’s an idea: a new Hip Hop band of Rubio and his Gmen! Think of it! Ted Nugent could establish a machine gun like beat, Rush Limbaugh could spout out the bass and Reince Priebus (Prince Remus) could rap off with Tupac Rubio about how they all give a crap about all you rich white folk sittin’ up there on the hill with your courvoisier and Hos.

“I don’t have no fear of death. My only fear is coming back reincarnated.” — Tupac Shakur

“Mr. Rubio you cannot hide behind that water bottle as you would your Mother’s teat. Your countenance belies your words however much you wish to conceal it.” — Jake Shween

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

“Catfish Republicans” in the “Dark Vein” of Muddy Water

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Recently we have seen the rise of a new breed of Republicans. They are clearly out of their league and are quite obviously bottom feeders, spurred on by the rank and bulbous Rush Limbaugh a man known to feed on stink bait normally used to hook Missouri catfish. So caught up in their own realities and afraid to ever admit the error of their ways they continue to waste the taxpayers money every single day. Not unlike the Notre Dame football player Manti Te’o who claims to have been spoofed by a fake internet girlfriend these Republicans are spoofed by selective perception and their avarice, greedily feeding on morsels found in the dark recesses of human nature.

Shunning the more important issues facing the nation they made it a point to grill the Secretary of State Hillary Clinton today in her testimony before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. This is par for the course in our sad Senate lately as closing the barn door after the horses have run off is their stupid solution for just about everything. You don’t have to have a degree in Political Science to see these boobs just stall for time and point a finger to justify their blatant hatred for those more adept at diplomatic situations than they themselves could ever hope to be. Bravo Senator Ron Johnson Republican Senator from Wisconsin for proving just how downright rude and ill informed you can be. The only credit you deserve is your ability to convince the population that voted you into your position that you actually had something of value to bring to the table in Washington D.C.. Unfortunate for them your import is only further evidence that Colin Powell was correct in stating: “There is a dark vein of intolerance in this (Republican) party. They still sort of look down on the minority.”.

Where were all these ruthless fact finders during the decision to start a war in Iraq  proclaiming that Saddam Hussein was harboring Weapons of Mass Destruction? Where were you Senator John McCain Republican from Arizona? You stated Tuesday Senator McCain that: “It’s (Benghazi) been a cover up from the beginning.”. Why didn’t anyone consider having a National Security Council meeting as is procedure before starting the war in Iraq? How can a war be started based on a brief by Scooter Libby and not an actual intelligence assessment? The Iraq war cost in excess of three trillion dollars. Four thousand four hundred and eighty seven service members lost their lives, thirty two thousand two hundred and twenty six were wounded not including the psychological damages making the actual cost of this war inestimable as you cannot place a value on a human life! Outrageous to believe that the current breed of “Catfish Republicans” can continue to roil in the dark vein of muddy water and feed on the stink bait of their collective delusion!

https://i0.wp.com/peytonsfishingadventres.webs.com/photos/catfish.jpg

“It had all the earmarks of a CIA operation; the bomb killed everybody in the room except the intended target!” — William F. Buckley

“We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.” — Bill Maher

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

The War on Christmas; If Beck was King; Christmas and Taxes

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All hail there is a war on Christmas according to the Fox holes on Fox News. There are entire towns proclaiming bans on Nativity scenes on public property. People there is a simple way around these restrictions on mixing church and state. Simply proclaim that the scenes are in honor of the “Baby Jones”. Most people have long forgotten Jesus’ twin brother Baby Jones. He was not affiliated with any church. He was visited by the three magi who played the cosmic jazz. He was fond of the food of heaven, the holy pancake cooked by the blessed Saint Jemima. Later when he grew up he became a Rastafarian and moved to Ethiopia to found the Cosmic Church! That’s free speech now. It’s just the Baby Jones man. Now on to King Beck of Boobland!

Imagine if you will a world where Glenn Beck was chief of the tribe. Let us quote from the holy book of Beck: “The most used phrase in my administration if I were to be president would be–‘What the hell you mean we’re out of missiles?’.” We would be living in a post apocalypse world. Wow sounds like beyond Thunderdome! Glenn would be the Master Blaster. It might take a nut like Mel Gibson to get back on the good foot and defeat the crazy Glenn Beck. Now there must be a problem when Mel Gibson is considered to be saner than Glenn Beck. If you are so crazy in your exhortations of lunatic histrionics that the Fox holes at Fox News reject you maybe you need your very own network. Maybe you need your own asteroid!

Now you simply can’t declare two wars and cut taxes. That is basic economics 101. Now it’s left to the sane people to clean up the crazy mess that Bushonomics left us in. Merry Christmas, here is the war, it’s a war on sanity in the legislative branch of the United States. Get real Congress. Somebody has to pay for the wars. Why does the burden always seem to go to the little guy? The person who takes great responsibility for their life and their family and who barely scrapes by every week? The person who goes over there to fight these terrible battles!? This unfounded capitalist greed must evolve and change for the better or it will surely be the death of Christmas and eventually the death of us all.

“I am a conservative, but I am not a zombie.” — Glenn Beck

“Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone.” — John Maynard Keynes

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

New Conversion Therapy Makes Republicans Gayer!

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In a little reported discovery earlier this week doctors in Thailand have isolated a gene which if manipulated carefully by radiation therapy may result in a generation of gayer Republicans. Doctor Poon Tang of Twatyang Institute of Bangkok announced that for several years now his team had been working on a remedy for the typical constipated, small minded, anti-art Republican. After years of intensely secretive research on this particularly frustrating ailment, using primarily voluntary test subjects from various infected red states, areas known for their contamination, Doctor Tang and his team proclaimed satisfactory seminal results from the preliminary reparative therapy.

“We have isolated the ARTGAP1 gene and provided it with ample doses of healing sunshine from the premises of our happy domicile. In this extrusion we have exhibited such effects as are known to provide a well being for the healing process. After several treatments our exceedingly successful subjects have returned to their normal lives with renewed sense of health, vigor and enlightenment. We hope soon to expose this treatment to many more constipated republicans in the hope of causing the gridlock and cultural stink to end in the middle of our great friend country America.” Doctor Tang said through an interpreter.

Rumors are already circulating in Stockholm, Sweden that Doctor Poon Tang and the prestigious Twatyang institute may very well win this years Nobel Prize in medicine. This will be the first such award for a doctor from Thailand. Doctor Poon Tang and his staff announced that they would be thrilled to receive such an award. Doctor Poon Tang also graciously invited any small minded constipated Republicans who wish to seek his treatment free flights and room and board. Lucky participants will get an all expense paid trip to the luxurious Shangri-La Hotel located on the banks of the River of Kings just blocks from the Twatyang Institute. Treatment will be administered over the course of several weeks and entertainment is all included.

In the rare and strange event that this new miraculous treatment does not work; litigate not. There are many vacancies available working with old and crippled lawyers in the dark swampy jungles of nearby Laos.

“Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.” — Jerry Garcia

“Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” — Alan Watts

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Wanted: Independent Leaders for the Republican Party

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The Republican party of the United States is in dire need of a complete overhaul. Somehow they have gone seriously off course. By pandering to the far right of extremism and embracing such monolithic mouthpieces as Limbaugh, Trump and Fox News the party has become lost in a morass of discord and hatred. At least Mitt Romney had the chops to admit defeat graciously in spite of the fact that he led a devious campaign filled with distortions of reality. Now Fox News has the crazy people in their glorious team of social miscreants accusing the other side of playing dirty to win the election! Of course the blow hard Trump and Limbaugh are quick to join in this cacophony of blithering idiocy. Whoa to the Republican party if it continues to let these mental midgets define who they are!

The Republican party is in dire need of some person to step above this fray. Someone with the will and fortitude to stand up to and put to rest this creed of lobbyist Grover Norquist. A free thinker who can put the former Scranton weatherman Bill O’Reilly in his place when O’Reilly suggests that the Republican party failed because the majority of people in The United States of America have declining moral values. Stop making excuses that have no basis in reality! The American people are wising up to the Republicans distortions of reality and very bad math. Put forth a free thinker who without condescension can tell the truth to America and argue for a wiser form of government. If not the Republican party will continue to disintegrate into a party that relies on hatred, lies, distortions and name calling if they have any hope of further deceiving the general population and that is not a path to lasting success.

Unfortunately for now there seems to be no such person on the horizon for the Republicans. Any rising star they have quickly becomes part of the military industrial complex and puts on the jack boots of their party members. Even the so called mavericks of the party have been stilted. The tea party has turned into the fossil fuel party. Maybe a camping trip to Greenland in the summer time is in order to prove to the last of the nay sayers that carbon dioxide is indeed heating the atmosphere and something needs to be done quickly and completely to avert worse disaster. Republicans need to embrace science and stop pretending it is something made up to bewilder them and call their faith into question. The sooner the party realizes that it can’t bully its way out of every problem the sooner they might produce a capable and courageous candidate who will not only earn the respect of the American people they will deserve it.

“Conservatives define themselves in terms of what they oppose.” — George Will

“I have a very large Twitter.” — Donald Trump

“The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.” — Rush Limbaugh

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Government, Insurance and Socialism

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What do those three words conjure up for you? Visions of big government peering over your shoulder and raiding your still? Insurance payments due so you can go see a doctor without taking an ambulance from your apartment to the emergency room? A return to the horrific days of Mussolini, Hitler and fascist dictatorships that are perverse versions of socialist states? Sadly in many cases of modern Grand Old Party propaganda that is the exact image they want you to think of. They seek to use scare tactics to keep the oligarchy (read oil consortium) in place. Rule by the privileged few who can afford to buy the government representatives aka puppets they need to keep themselves in power.

In less than one week the people of the United States of America must make a crucially important decision. Will we follow a puppet who professes disdain for half of this country or will we embrace a straight shooting visionary with the courage to stand up to the military industrial complex? This past week gave us further reason to embrace the latter. Most people don’t want big government to interfere with their lives that is unless they are faced with a natural disaster that is so gigantic that they themselves nor their cities or states have the resources or the funding to pay for disaster relief. Think on it now. What constitutes that relief? Why it’s simply a bit of “Government Insurance” paid for by our collected taxes in what the naysayers would define as a system of Socialism!

What a concept that we would need help! But the cold hard fact is we do!. Every day we need help to survive Every day think of all the things you have learned from past generations, teachers and the like. Even if you spend days in isolation you still must depend on the knowledge you have acquired from others to survive. If you are faced with a natural disaster, a cataclysmic event that destroys everything you know and love, the need for a socialist structure of aid and recovery becomes a life giving necessity. Call it a form of Government Insurance. Think of it next time you pay your taxes. Think of it when you pull the lever or press on the screen to elect the President of the United States for the next four years!

“The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.” — Winston Churchill

“We either need to redefine socialism and the negative connotations it importunes or replace it with a better ideal such as egalitarianism.” — Jake Shween

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Letter From God

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Dear Humanity,

We use that term to be civil. “Dear” meaning in this case: precious. “Humanity” meaning in this case: the human race. The latter term has been disappointing of late as some of those who claim to be human choose to show the basest characteristics of this species which is ironic since many of you have the audacity to claim to be descended from our form or image. In any case, we digress,  back to the letter. Please refrain from bothering us any more as we simply can’t help any of you. It is up to all of you to come together and start taking care of the earth. We thought the instructions were simple enough but apparently not for all of you.

Please stop blaming us in any way shape or form for your shortcomings. These include your ever popular crimes of murder and rape. We have nothing to do with these wicked and heinous things that you do. You have free will. Please refer to your original contracts and note the disclaimer therein. Do not involve us in your political squabbles and stupid rivalries. Stop arguing as to which of our representatives you like, dislike, love or hate the most as these feelings and emotions will avail you nothing. If your team wins the game don’t even thank us because frankly we couldn’t care less either way. Stop screaming our names and perpetuating the myth that somehow we could have prevented or caused your misery.

The path for your mutual happiness lies in your ability to help each other. You must learn to share your gifts with each other. There is nothing to be gained from gathering the most to yourself. The earth, like your humanity, is fragile and easily damaged and destroyed. The sooner you learn how to cooperate on an international level the closer you will be to the heaven that you seem to crave and dream about.

Why, you might ask do we refer to ourselves as we? It is because we exist on all the different levels of time and space and the continuum. We possess the mindset of both the male and female principles. We wear the mask of eternity. Consciousness is simply one aspect of knowledge. To know all one must understand the reality of absolute nothing. That cannot, on this three dimensional plane, be shared …….

“Names can be named but not the Eternal Name.” —- Lao Tzu

“A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.” — Groucho Marx

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

Elitism; the Snobbery of Riches; the Delusions of Faith

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Don’t you just love those people who truly believe that they are better than every body else? Those chosen few who mark themselves above the masses. They look down on the poor folk who need help. Those pitiful masses tired and poor, yearning to breath free will find no quarter amongst the elite snobs. All they crave is a  hand out any way. Why should a country that is a haven for the rich provide for such miscreants? How can we care about such fools that won’t even take responsibility for their very own lives? Why none of them have even heard of our illustrious God who has so thoroughly blessed us.

What a country we have created. We have a daring and old book that proclaims that those we disagree with we should smite. Rule upon tenet is laid out and every sin imaginable is covered if you have the gift of discernment. Gather around and your sins will be forgiven. There is enough delusion here that we can rule the world and smash in the heads of any society that would disdain and doubt our ancient and bloodthirsty God. Let us scream his name every Sunday and rally our delusional masses to do our murderous bidding. Never mind! We are better than they! Our God tells us so! No need for the Necromancer! We have a rich prophet. He is rich and he is on television and he claims he cares for us and he claims he speaks the truth so isn’t that enough?

Oh no, wait a minute! You mean that rich bastard is a liar? He doesn’t really care for us at all? He has faith in a God, our God he claims as his own? Strange, cruel and ancient religion —show us that it isn’t so. It cannot be. Our God never lies and He is so damn pure! What’s that you say? He was married? That’s a lie! Our God was never married. He was too busy smiting our enemies. Now we’re confused. Better turn on Fox News. They’ll set us straight. They never lie to us. Look who owns them, Rupert Murdoch! Why as pure a man never walked the earth! Damn this reality, change the channel. Put on: Who Wants to be a Millionaire and restore our faith in the American Dream. There there now that’s better.

“Sandwiches were invented by the Earl of Sandwich, popcorn was invented by the Earl of Popcorn, and salad dressing by the Oil of Vinegar.” — Tom Robbins from Still Life With Woodpecker

“So nowadays hard-minded men with hard muscles and hard hats are relieved from their jobs on Sundays because of an archetypal psychological response to menstruation.” — Tom Robbins from Still Life With Woodpecker

New Colossus by Emma Lazarus from the Statue of Liberty:

“Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween

The Case for Truth and Reality

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The stage exploded tonight at the Democratic National Convention. The truth has been explained and put on the table. How much longer do the Republicans expect the American people to believe in their blatant lies and fantastical stories of wealth that trickles down? The Republican party has become the party of the oligarchy. Sure there are Corporate Democrats but they are outnumbered by the slash and burn Republicans on the other side of the aisle. The obstinate behavior, the unwillingness to cooperate is now squarely on the shoulders of the foolish senators and congressmen who refused to come across the aisle and do what was right for the country.

Mitch McConnell, Eric Cantor and John Boehner your lying days are over. Certainly your K Street friends will snap you up for their lobbying assignments. You need to get out of the way of progress and out of the way of providence. Your obstinance and evil are increasingly evident and exposed. People are becoming wise to the preposterous realities that Fox News dares to propose as being real. Even members of your own party are starting to cut their losses and run from the extreme right and its’ crippling hatred. The three of you have done nothing but blocked President Obama at every turn. McConnell you stood in front of a microphone and admitted such childish behavior! Cantor you stormed out of the room when Boehner even suggested a concession to the Obama administration. If you were all back in kindergarten you would be called out for antisocial behavior. It’s quite an outrage that you were elected to serve the public.

Changes are coming. The truth is now on the table for everyone to see. The channels of communication are open. The young people are listening. They need education to compete in an increasingly technical world with reliance on engineering and science. Education will help this country to compete and succeed in what will be an exciting and challenging future. Health care and education should be fundamental rights that are affordable to every American. If government is broken and not working it is the right of the people in a democracy to change it. McConnell, Cantor and Boehner like three intractable louts, you need to get out of the way.

“The keystone of successful business is cooperation. Friction retards progress.”— James Cash Penney

“If the administration wants cooperation, it will have to begin to move in our direction.”— Mitch McConnell

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween
Here’s a pic from Charlotte today and DNC protesters

Corporations are NOT people!

The Death Panel Speaks; Fear and Loathing on First Street

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Imagine if you will a world without doctors. A world where if you are sick and dying your fate is decided by judges instead of doctors and nurses. As you lay dying on the operating table you are surrounded by apparent experts on the law and its applications. It’s reminiscent of a black mass. They are all dressed in robes. You think it’s your appendix as the pain is in your side however more than half of these judges are prepared to give you brain surgery. As you lay there writhing in pain they argue as to which among them should wield the knife and cut something.

The room is dark and foreboding. Instead of antiseptic aromas all you perceive is the smell of musty tomes of musty words. Instead of a scalpel a dark figure hovers over your helpless body with what appears to be a letter opener. Another holds a gavel. The gavel rises and crashes into your temple. Unfortunately you are still half conscious as their macabre ritual proceeds. Finally, since you clutch at your side, the judges, after hours of infighting, decide to stab you in the side. Some of them turn to avert their eyes. Some of them stare with indifference as the crude instrument impales you below the rib. Immediately a mixture of blood and water flow out.

Life ebbs out of you slowly as the black figures circle you. Behind them you can see rows and rows of books that are filled with nothing that can help save your life. Did any of them consult a doctor before deciding to impale you with such a crude instrument? No that would have been too kind and merciful. Instead they proceeded to ignore any healing procedure whatsoever. They acted solely upon their apparent expertise at something, something which had no purpose other than to officiate argument. Sadly you die. One of many faced by the death panel. Profits remain sacred. Human life is but a trifle. The law must be upheld at any cost!

“If you’re going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you’re going to be locked up.” — Hunter S. Thompson

“Politics is the art of controlling your environment.” — Hunter S. Thompson

Get off the cell phone and Drive! — Jake Shween